


When I say I’m fine, Know that I’m Lying to you

by sunshin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bottom Kageyama Tobio, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Hurt Kageyama Tobio, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kageyama Tobio Angst, Kageyama Tobio is a Mess, M/M, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Rare Pairings, Sad Kageyama Tobio, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Sobbing, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Top Iwaizumi Hajime, Top Oikawa Tooru
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 26,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26210926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshin/pseuds/sunshin
Summary: Kageyama Tobio, Oikawa Tooru, and Iwaizumi Hajime are soulmates; put together by the universe for the utmost of reasons and bound by the marks on their forearms.So, most people find their happy endings.Kageyama wasn’t like that.Well, he wished he was.The captain and ace were childhood friends.They naturally belonged together.Tobio just didn't fit in the picture.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 203
Kudos: 876





	1. December 22nd

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to bore you with an author's note, don't worry.  
> Sit back, relax, prepare tissue, and enjoy:D

_ Kageyama Tobio, Oikawa Tooru, _ and  _ Iwaizumi Hajime _ are soulmates. 

Put together by the universe for the utmost of reasons and bound by the marks on their forearms. 

The marks were, by themselves, self-explanatory.

Tooru’s mark was that of a star. Which could be explained two different ways. 

He was naturally a star. 

Drawing in the attention with his good looks and charming personality (though we all know his personality is shitty).

Or, it was because of his obsession with aliens and  _ ‘shit in space’.  _

Hajime’s mark was a sword. 

_ “My knight in shining armour, Iwa-chan,” Tooru coos as he clings to Iwaizumi’s arm, a smirk playing on his lips. “That’s so cute” _

_ “Shut up, Tooru” _

It was a practical mark and title. 

Tobio’s was that of a crown.  _ King of the Court.  _

It explained itself. 

So, most people find their happy endings. 

Kageyama wasn’t like that. 

Well, he  _ wished  _ he was. 

Their arrangement was peculiar.

He was part of the arrangement-  _ or rather, _ the arrangement went like this;

Tooru & Hajime.  _ Oh, yeah. Tobio-chan was here too _ .

The captain and ace were childhood friends. 

They naturally belonged together. 

Kageyama always thought of himself as someone in the background. 

Sure, he was in the picture, but he wasn’t there all the same. 

“Look, Kageyama,” Iwaizumi sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Tooru and I- we’re fine, we’re happy”

Iwaizumi pauses, looking anywhere but into the first year’s bright blue eyes. 

He sucked in a breath nervously. 

“We’ve been together since kids, and I don’t know what a third person would do to that relationship,” He says it slowly, as if trying to find the right words to say without hurting him.

Kageyama didn’t understand why he did so. 

It hurt either way, right?

He wasn’t stupid either. 

Iwaizumi-san didn’t need to sugarcoat it.

He could hear the underlined words.

_ We’re happy. Just the two of us. We don’t need you.  _

He kept his expression carefully blank. He stared past Iwaizumi and at the wall behind him.

Iwaizumi shifted. “Is- is it fine if you-”

_ “Put up a wall?”  _ Kageyama cuts, speaking for the first time in the conversation, bringing his eyes to meet the green irises that belonged to Hajime. “That’s what you want me to do, right?”

Hajime nods carefully, wary of the expression on the younger’s face. 

Kageyama nods, albeit slowly. “

“Okay,” He says, blinking, his throat dry. “Okay” 

-and Iwaizumi doesn’t know whether to ask if he was okay or to apologize.

He had expected him to at least shed a few tears, maybe ask why he was being rejected so easily.

Besides, asking if he was okay and apologizing both seemed stupid.

The blue-eyed setter bows.

“I’m sorry, Iwaizumi-san,” He says, and he really is.

Because he’s not good enough.

Because he had wasted their time. 

Because he believed he had a chance to finally be loved.

He missed the way a look of guilt flashed in Hajime’s eyes, or the way the ace took a step forward as if to call him back.

He shouldered his bag, gripping the leather tightly and walked away as calmly as he could.

He should add this to the list of why his birthday sucked. 

His father died today two years ago. 

And now he was rejected by the people who were supposed to love him on the same day. 

Kageyama hastily wiped away a few stray tears that made their way down his cheek.

_ Dammit. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this!   
> Leave some kudos:D


	2. 5 years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His soulmates just had to find him during his shift in 7/11.

Kageyama sighs as he thanks the woman who doesn’t respond as she walks out of the 7/11.

He slumps down on his seat, turning a bit to check the time on the clock.

_ 11:34pm _

Well, Fridays sucked. 

He resists the urge to use his phone, knowing that his boss had cctvs installed in the store.

He stared warily at the cctv a few feet away.

He buries his head in his arms, not able to actually sleep because the LED lights just above the counter were to bright for his eyes.

He couldn’t wait until he could return to his lonely,  _ lonely  _ apartment, which he paid for with his shifts here, and babysitting his neighbor’s kids.

Hinata had already taken most of the energy out of him, asking for a round of endless tosses, which Kageyama hesitantly complied to.

If he could just, rest for a while, that would be great-

_ “Tobio-chan?” _

_ Well, shit. _

Tobio recognizes the voice, and the stupid nickname, but doesn’t move to open his eyes.

“No,” he mumbles tiredly, as brown eyes took in his disarrayed appearance. 

“It’s his twin”

“Kageyama?” another voice asked, and his blue eyes snapped open, and he looked up.

_ Double shit. _

No, seriously. 

It’s Iwaizumi and Oikawa, both in their signature volleyball uniforms, staring at him as he worked his shift in 7/11.

He’s now consciously aware of his messy appearance. 

His eyes land on the bag of chips they carried in their arms.

He blinks, albeit tiredly.

Sighing, he gets up, moving for the counter.

“Chips,” he demands, holding his hand out for the junk food. 

The chips are handed to him, and he proceeds to check them out.

He tries to ignore the fact that they, of all people, are standing at the counter, at the 7/11 he just  _ had  _ to be in.

_ ‘There’s a hundred other 7/11’s in Miyagi’  _ he thinks as he tosses the chips into a paper bag.  _ ‘And they just had to pick this’. _

Kageyama pushes the paper bags towards them, along with the receipt.

He moves to back away, but hands catch his wrists.

He blinks.

“It’s late, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa says, his hands holding his wrists tightly. “What are you doing here?”

Kageyama chuckles tiredly. 

“I’m working,” He answers, pulling his wrists away. 

“I thought that was obvious”

“Working at eleven at night?,” Oikawa frowns, crossing his arms. “That’s a bit too much, don’t you think?”

Kageyama blinks again.

It’s silent for a beat before he speaks again. He proceeds to smile tiredly. 

-and it isn’t his creepy signature smile. It’s a soft smile that suits him perfectly. He usually didn’t smile like this to anyone, but right now, he was sleep-deprived. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s eyes widen at the sight of the smile.

“Don’t worry, Oikawa-san,” he assures. “I’ll be in top shape when we play, so that  _ you  _ know that  _ you’ve  _ won fair and square”

He misses the scandalized look on Oikawa’s face.

“That’s not- that’s not why I-”

_ “That’s why you asked, right?,”  _ Kageyama cuts in, his smile falling, his hands spread on the counter. He’s looking down, blinking droopily. “So don’t worry, you’ll beat us fair and square”

He pauses. “That is if you  _ can”  _

The captain and ace ignore the competitive comment, worried for the young player.

“Why do you have to work, though?,” Iwaizumi asks, “and at eleven in the evening? Don’t your parents work? Do they even know you’re here?”

Kageyama looks up and stares at Iwaizumi through his lashes.

_ ‘From what I recall,’ _ He thinks idly,  _ ‘My mother can care like she did eleven years ago when she left me from wherever the hell she is on earth,’ _

_‘,and my father, well, he would have known if he were still alive, so_ _no, I don’t think they know I’m here, nor that I’m currently struggling to pay for both my tuition and rent,’_ His eyes narrow _‘nor would they actually care, so-’_

He blinks and looks away, pushing the receipt further their direction. 

“Can I have the money? I’d really like to go”

Iwaizumi hands him the cash which he stuffs into the register.

Kageyama doesn't bother to face them when he says the standard  _ “Thank you for coming, and I hope you come again”. _

When they’re finally gone however, and he hears the  _ thud  _ of the door closing, he turns around and stares at the spot his soulmates stood on a few moments ago.

His eyes flick up to the clock. 

He turns around, grabbing his jacket. 

He closes the store, locking the doors and heads out, his bag slung over his shoulder.

He checks his phone for any notifications, walking down the empty, familiar road.

The streetlamps cast a soft glow, but he could see the road perfectly fine.

There’s a text in the volleyball club’s group chat.

It’s Suga-san announcing the date of their monthly sleepover. 

It’s the day after tomorrow, which was Sunday, and there’s an added reminder about asking their parents for permission.

Kageyama sighs.

‘ _ I would,’  _ he thinks.  _ ‘If I had a parent to ask’ _

There’s a text from the idiot redhead, excitedly,  _ IN ALL CAPS,  _ telling him about how he couldn’t wait for the sleepover because they would be able to watch movies, play truth and dare, spin the bottle and-

_ Hrk. _

Kageyama doubles over, pain erupting in his chest.

_ “Oh shit,”  _ he breathes,  _ “Oh shit, not now” _

Because it’s the worst possible time for this.

He groans as he bends over, clutching his chest in pain.

_ ‘Oh shit,’  _ he thinks as he coughs.  _ ‘If I pass out now, I’m as good as dead’ _

He stumbles back, his back colliding with the brick wall.

Because even if the road was completely (he thought) empty, no one knows what would happen to a high-schooler passed out on the floor in an alleyway at-  _ what time is it? _

He grits his teeth as he collapses on the ground, his knees giving up.

_ ‘Shit’  _ he thinks as he sees two figures hovering above him before he passes out.

_ ‘Daichi-san will kill me if I’m not dead by morning’. _


	3. Non-existent burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio was fine.  
> He was fine.
> 
> He was.. right?

Tobio was fine.

He was used to the uncomfortable feeling in his chest that he’d put up with for the past 5 years. 

There were times where it became unbearably painful during the nights when he was supposed to be sleeping, or training alone in his backyard.

It was  _ painful _ . 

He’d double over, eventually falling on his knees, his chest on fire. 

Like his heart was slowly burning, and his lungs disappearing into nothing. 

He eventually got used to it, though, remembering to bring a bottle of  _ Advil  _ with him wherever he went.

The only thing he didn’t like was how randomly these episodes hit.

The wall was put up five years ago. 

In middle school; when he first found out that his soulmates were perfectly fine without him.

He watched how happy his two soulmates were without him by their side. 

_ Ofcourse.  _

A part of him had expected this, seeing what had happened to his parents.

_ “Tobio,” his father had pushed his hair away from his eyes gently, kneeling on the cold crisp snow, his voice slightly drowned by the distant tolling bell of the incoming train. “Not all bonds are perfect, Tobio, your soulmate can hurt you so badly, until you can’t feel happy anymore” _

_ His father, a man with dull blue eyes, that once shone like that moon, and gray hair mixed with raven black- crinkles around his eyes for how much he used to laugh and smile- brushed his hands over his cheek gently.  _

_ “I love you, Tobio,” He whispers, pressing a kiss to his forehead.  _

_ “You’ve made me happy” _

_ “Papa?” Nine year-old Tobio asks, and Kageyama remembers.  _

_ He knows this. _

_ Kageyama yells at his father, trying to tell him to stop, that he was leaving him behind, but his voice wouldn’t come out.  _

_ He tried to move, to run, to push his father out of the way, but his feet was planted to the ground. _

_ He watched helplessly as Tobio witnessed his father’s suicide. _

_ “PAPA!” _

Kageyama gasped awake, sheets tangled between his legs and arms, his clothes damp with sweat.

Tobio was 9 at the time.

Nine years old- a child- when his father brought him out for a walk, on a snowy day, and brought him to the train tracks just outside the prefecture and spoke those words to him. 

Nine years old when his father stepped onto the tracks, smiling gently-  _ sadly-  _ at his son.

Nine years old when his father refused to step off the tracks no matter how much he screamed and yelled at him to get off. Nine years old when the train hit the only person he had left in his life.

His last words haunted him for the rest of his life. 

_ “You’ve made me happy”. _

_ Past-tense _ . 

Tobio had made his father happy once, and at one point he had failed to do so.

He had never visited his father’s grave, the guilt he wasn’t supposed to bear weighing so heavily on him.

Kageyama realized he was still wearing the clothes he had worn the day before- 

_ Which reminded him,  _ what happened?

This wasn’t his blanket, nor his bed. 

He looked around. 

This wasn’t his apartment either.

_ Hell, this wasn’t even an apartment to begin with.  _

“Oh,” a voice says, and Kageyama turns around so fast, he’s impressed that his neck didn’t snap. “You’re awake”

It’s Oikawa Tooru, leaning on the doorway, his phone in hand.

Kageyama didn’t move, or speak, opting only to stay quiet and wait for an explanation.

“You were working really late, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa hums, crossing his arms

“So Iwa-chan and I followed you, knowing how dangerous it could be for someone to walk alone at night-  _ and it’s a good thing we did, because you passed out in the streets”  _

_ Shit. Oh shit.  _

“It’s a good thing we found you, Tobio-chan” Oikawa continues, digging into his pocket to pull out-

Kageyama’s heart dropped.

Oikawa shook the bottle of painkillers, showing it to him. 

“We thought you had passed out from exhaustion, which was what Iwa-chan had said,  _ at first,”  _ he moves and puts the bottle down on the desk next to his bed.

“Then we find that in your hands”

Oikawa pulls out the seat under his desk and sits down.

“You want to explain?” 

Kageyama stared at the bottle of  _ Advil.  _

_ ‘Well,’  _ He muses,  _ ‘That’s actually better than finding out about the other stuff’  _

“That’s a bottle of  _ Advil”  _ He says.

Oikawa’s eye twitches. 

“Obviously,” he says, “I’m not stupid, I know how to read, I’m asking why it’s the first thing you grab before you pass out in the  _ middle of the street _ ”

Kageyama weighs the odds.

He could tell him that it was because of the wall.

The wall he had put up 5 years ago and that is still up. The wall that had caused these episodes of pain.

Or he could lie his way out.

“It’s nothing,” he says, “I had a migraine”

_ Lie his way out it is. _

-and he’s leaning to grab the  _ Advil,  _ when his hand is caught.

“How long has your wall been up?” Tooru asks softly.

Kageyama’s eyes widen. 

Oikawa laughs lightly.

“Like I said, I’m not stupid,” he still has his hand holding Kageyama’s. “I just wanted to see if you would tell us the truth”

_ Us? _

Iwaizumi walks out from behind Oikawa’s door. 

Kageyama tugs his hand from the Seijoh captain’s grip.

“It’s fine,” He dismisses in a small voice. “It doesn’t hurt a lot”

He’s moving off the bed, standing, in an attempt to escape the conversation, but Iwaizumi stops him by grabbing his waist from behind.

Oikawa stands up, cupping Kageyama’s cheek.

“You didn’t answer my question,  _ Tobio _ ” Oikawa’s brown eyes pierce through him.

He avoids Oikawa’s piercing gaze, Iwaizumi’s fingertips holding his waist.

“I-“ He hesitates, “I.. it doesn’t hurt”

Oikawa’s eyes narrow. He traces the bottom of the setter’s lip.

“That wasn’t an answer”

Kageyama shudders.

“I-“

_ “How long has it been up, Tobio?”  _ Oikawa asks again.

“Five,” He breathes out, Iwaizumi’s grip tightens on his waist.

“Five what?” Iwaizumi asks, his warm breath tickling the back of Tobio’s neck.

“Years,” He says.

There’s silence.

Oikawa’s eyes are wide, trying to take in the information.

It’s common knowledge to know that keeping a wall between a bond is painful.

The longer its up, the harsher the pain.

“and if you say it doesn’t hurt that much,” Iwaizumi continues, “What’s the  _ Advil _ for?”

Kageyama doesn’t answer.

“Why lie, Tobio-chan?”

Kageyama pulls himself away form their grasp, moving to grab the bottle.

“What you asked me to do caused me a lot of pain, Oikawa-san,” he says, shifting the bottle in his hands. “I didn’t want you to know”

_ “That’s exactly why we should know,”  _ Oikawa hisses, and Tobio takes a step back automatically.  _ “We  _ caused you that pain, and  _ we’re  _ responsible for it”

“Which is exactly why you  _ ahouldn’t”  _ Kageyama counters, waving his hand with the bottle of  _ Advil  _ in the air.

“It’s my fault I wasn’t enough for you to want me, Oikawa-san, so the pain that I’ve gone through was what I  _ deserved” _

Their jaws drop.

_ “DESERVE?!”  _ Oikawa shrieks.  _ “ _ You  _ deserve  _ five years of  _ continuous  _ pain?!”

_ “Because I wasn’t enough to make you happy”  _ Kageyama hisses wetly.

There are tears in his eyes which he desperately tries to blink away.

“You didn’t want me a long time ago, Oikawa-san,” He says, “Why start now?”

He laughs wetly as they both move to speak.

_ “It’s five years too late, no?” _

He’s moving towards the door, missing the looks of guilt and shock on their faces.

He’s almost out of the room when a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around his chest.

"Let go Oikawa-san" he says softly, trying to pull away. The damned captain wouldn't let him.

_ “We’re sorry,”  _ Tooru whispers into his hair. “We’re so,  _ so,  _ sorry”

Iwaizumi’s in front of him, grabbing both his hands, running a thumb over his knuckles.

He’s leaning in to kiss him sweetly.

Kageyama melts into their touch, a soft moan of yearning from the back of his throat.

Iwaizumi pulls away.

_ “Give us another chance”  _ he asks.  _ “Please” _

“Don't-,” Kageyama sobs,  _ “Don't leave me alone again” _

He holds back a shiver as Oikawa's lips brush slightly over the back of his nape.

"We won't," Tooru assures, his arms around Tobio's chest tightening slightly. "We're sorry"

Tobio leans into their embrace.


	4. Godzilla and Tobio's secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio just doesn't understand why his soulmate was obsessed with Godzilla.  
> But it was cute.

They decide to take it slow, planning on dates every other week, when none of them had any training scheduled after school. 

They sit around Oikawa's dinner table, only the three of them since Oikawa's parents were abroad, assuring Kageyama that it wasn't some sick joke they played on him just to rile him up.

He eventually falls into conversation with them about their many future dates.

_ "You've been to Tokyo for a training camp, is that right, Tobio-chan?" Tooru inquires, his voice slightly muffles as he chews the ramen.  _

_Tobio nods, not wanting to speak since his mouth was full of food._

_"We could go to Tokyo for our first date, Iwa-chan!" He smiles delightfully, and Tobio finds himself staring at the smile, not believing that fact that he got to see it more often now._

_"Shittykawa, he said he's already been there"_

_"It's okay, Iwaizumi-san," Tobio hums as he nudges his food around. "Anywhere with you guys is good enough for me"_  
  


_-and it's silent, so Tobio looks up to see Oikawa close to tears._

_"Uh-"_

_"TOBIO THAT'S SO SWEET!"_

_"OI SHITTYKAWA DON'T KILL HIM!"_

“Is this..” Kageyama trails off, squished between the captains of Seijoh, his eyes on the screen of the  _ Godzilla  _ movie Iwa-chan had suggested. 

Brown and green eyes turn their attention to him.

He sank further into the seat, refusing to meet their gazes.

He felt strong arms wrap itself around his shoulders. 

Tooru grabbed his hand.

“Is this okay?,” He asks softly, his eyes watching the movie but his mind not really there.

“You were both happy without-” He’s cut off by a hand over his mouth.

He looks up to meet Oikawa’s eyes. 

“Please don’t finish that sentence, Tobio” He pleads, his hand falling down to his side.

Kageyama could only stare at the screen.

“I’m sorry” he says, and his soulmates look at him.

“Don’t apologize either, Tobio-kun,” Iwaizumi says, pulling Kageyama closer to him, ignoring the pout Oikawa sent him. “If anything, we should be the ones apologizing”

Tobio stares at the hand that's interlaced with Oikawa’s.

_ It’s not your fault,  _ he wanted to say. 

_ I caused all of this. If I were just good enough- _

“Okay” he says instead, and relaxes as Oikawa leans in closer, giving their interlaced hands a small squeeze.

They turn their attention back to the movie just as the climax starts.

Kageyama watched with interest though, wanting to learn what had intrigued one of his soulmates to like it so much, but Oikawa and Iwaizumi couldn’t care less about  _ Godzilla.  _

They were both looking down at the blueberry setter between them, and exchanged a look.

_ Yeah, they were happy then- _

They watch fondly as Kageyama’s bright blue eyes  _ that had always watched them together from afar,  _ follow the movements of the fleeing characters on the screen.

_ -but they’re happier now. _

If Kageyama believed that they abandon him like his mother, leave him like his father- _ if Tobio could only get rid of that daunting fear-  _ he’d be happy too.

He wills himself to relax,  _ his shoulders were too tense,  _ and tries to forget all the negative thoughts that seemed to endlessly pop up.

"Thank you, for accepting us, Tobio" Iwaizumi whispers into his ear.

Kageyama's ears tint a bit red, and Iwaizumi smiles.

He melted further into Iwaizumi’s arms, not noticing the way the ace smiled smugly at Oikawa, too busy trying to stay focused on the movie.

When Kageyama eventually dozes off, his head buried in Iwaizumi’s shoulder, his lips parted slightly, the two grin.

They chuckle, staring lovingly at their soulmate, who held secrets-  _ dark secrets-  _ that they would wish they never knew. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw thanks so much for reading this!  
> Leave some kudos:D
> 
> (Get tissues ready for the next few chapters:)


	5. WE LOVE YOU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takeda announces the training camp next week, and Tobio is weirdly nice today.

“... Kageyama is awfully nice today, isn’t he?”

“It’s creeping me out”

Tsukkishima clicks his tongue. “It’s weird to see the  _ King  _ so civil to a low life like Hinata”

“Tsukki-”

“Shut up Yamaguchi”

“Gomen, Tsukki”

They all watched as Kageyama assured Hinata- who had just missed a spike- that it was  _ “Okay, Hinata boke, everyone makes mistakes once in a while, why are you so pale?” _

They all shiver.

Truth is, Kageyama hasn’t been able to stop smiling ever since last night’s movie with his two soulmates.

He hadn’t been able to contain the shriek of happiness when he received a call from Oikawa-san telling him to  _ “Don’t forget to drink lots of water, Tobio-chan~ and don’t overwork yourself too much or Iwa-chan will find you and kill you”.  _

He’s been in a good mood all day.

He should have known something bad would happen.

_ “KAGEYAMA!”  _

He hears someone- Hinata- shout, and he turns just in time to deflect an incoming spike aimed straight for the back of his head.

“Boke what-”

_ “YOU’RE SCARING ME!”  _ Hinata yells.  _ “SCOWL OR SOMETHING! OR AT LEAST GET MAD AT SOMEONE! DID SOMEONE FEED YOU SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS?” _

Kageyama frowns, causing Hinata to shiver and jump behind Tanaka for cover.

“It’s true, Kageyama,” Tanaka nods. “You haven’t scolded Hinata-kun even once, are you ok?”

“Do you have a fever Kageyama?”

“Are you sick?” Sugawara frets, “You can’t afford to be sick-”

_ “I’m fine”  _ he hisses, his glare aimed at the red hair peeking out from behind Tanaka-san’s shoulder.

“O-okay, then, let’s get back to practice”

Before they can, however, Takeda comes running through the gym doors.

“WE’RE GOING TO TOKYO!” 

They all gather around, excited chatters filling the gym.

“We’re invited to another training camp?” Daichi says, reading the invitation Takeda printed out.

Hinata cheers, clearly looking forward to seeing Kenma and Bokuto-san.

Kageyama winces once he realized that he would miss a date with his soulmates because he was in Tokyo.

He pulls his phone out to text them.

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Hello Oikawa-san, Iwaizumi-san _

They respond almost immediately, and Kageyama sits down on the bench.

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Tobio-chan :) _

**Aceeeeeeeeee**

_ Hello, Tobio _

**Aceeeeeeeeee**

_ As much as I love talking to you, don’t you have practice right now? _

Kageyama laughs slightly, not noticing that everyone had turned around at the sound of the rare laugh.

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Ignore him, Tobio-chan, it’s better that you talk to us instead off that freaky shortie on your team _

**Aceeeeeeeeee**

_ Shittykawa _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Gomen, Iwa-chan :( _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ I’m so sorry, I won’t be able to make it to the date next week _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ We were invited to a training camp in Tokyo _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeee**

_ That’s great, Tobio!  _

**Pretty Setter**

_ Awwee~ We’re going to miss one week without seeing each other _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeeee**

_ Stupidkawa, we can always go to Tokyo and visit him there _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ You mean we can kidnap him? :0 _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Don’t do that _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Suga-san will kill you _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Not if I kill him first- _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeeeee**

_ Shittykawa _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Gomen, gomen Iwa-chan _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeeeee**

_ Ignore the idiot, Tobio, we’ll call you later _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeeeee**

_ Go back to practice _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ WE LOVE YOU:D _

Kageyama covers his mouth as he smiles, red blooming on his cheeks.

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ I love you both too _

He shuts his phone off, and notices for the first time that everyone’s attention was on him.

“What?”

Hinata pointed an accusing finger at him.

“You- you didn’t tell us you were dating anybody!”

Kageyama panics. 

“I am  _ not” _

“Then why were you blushing then, huh?”   
  


Kageyama scrambles to find an excuse.

“I was not blushing, boke” He scowls, ready to hit the back of the idiot’s head.

“You  _ were”  _

_ That’s it.  _

He launches himself at the direction of the short tangerine.

Hinata yelps, running away.

“He’s back to normal” Daichi sighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos!  
> Hope you enjoyedddd


	6. Don't, don't, don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dammit he listens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!  
> Mentions of self harm and lots and lots of negative thoughts.
> 
> If you're not comfortable with this, please skip.

Kageyama’s walking home, and just like they promised, the captains of Aoba Joshai called.

They talked about a lot of things.

About how much they missed the crow and how happy they were right now.

Snippets of Oikawa attempting to deceive his soulmate into selling out the secrets of Karasuno and Kageyama bluntly telling him that it was stupid to even try.

Iwaizumi was dying with laughter.

Kageyama talked about his day, assuring them that there weren’t any episodes of intense pain anymore since the wall was down, and that he was perfectly fine, happy even.

They talked and talked and talked until Kageyama had to sleep.

When the call ended with sweet goodbyes, he ponders on the lie he had said.

_ ‘Happy?’  _ he thought, curling up on his bed after he had eaten dinner (just plain salad) and had washed up.  _ ‘Am I happy?’ _

Sure. He was.

He curled up into himself, pulling the blankets closer around him.

_ Well.. He would be.  _

He tried to shake off the  _ stupid  _ fears that nagged him every time his soulmates so much as texted him. 

The stupid fear that he’d be left behind again.

_ ‘They’d probably get bored of me by next year if I’m counting my lucky stars’  _ Tobio thinks, his eyes blinking tiredly. 

He wished they’d never leave, though.

He wished they could stay.

He chuckles dryly, close to passing out.

_ ‘They’d leave eventually though’  _ A voice in his head- a voice he knew all too well- whispers mockingly to him as he drifts off.

_ ‘You’re not worth their time, Tobio’  _ it sings

Tobio sighs into the night.

The voice was right. 

He wasn’t worth their time.

_ “We’re done, King, we’re not going to follow you any longer” _

_ Kageyama spins around to see his old team- KitaDai- walking away, Kindaichi sneering at him in disgust. _

_ “Wait-” he runs after them, but ends up tripping. “Wait no-” _

_ “Tobio-chan~” He hears a familiar voice. _

_ He freezes. _

_ Because it wasn’t the sweet tone Oikawa used with him recently.  _

_ It was the mocking tone that screamed at him to run. _

_ He looks up and sees his two soulmates scowling down at him in disappointment. _

_ “Oikawa-san-” _

_ “We’re done, Tobio,” Iwaizumi says, his arms crossed. _

_ They’re walking away now, and Kageyama desperately tries to get up. _

_ “Wait!” he sobs. “You said you wouldn’t, you promised-” _

_ “You’re a waste of our time, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa sing-songs. “We only came to you because it was a good opportunity to use you” _

_ Use me? _

_ “Against that chibi-chan, ofcourse,” Oikawa laughs. “Because face it, King, you’re not worth anyone’s time” _

_ Kageyama stares at his soulmates. _

_ “No,” he says, his voice small, trying hard to barricade the hundreds and thousands of thoughts creeping up at him, whispering tauntingly to his ear. _

_ “No” _

_ Oikawa waves, “Goodbye, Tobio-chan~” _

_ “WAIT!”  _

Kageyama lets out a strangled gasp, shooting upright, scrambling back.

He falls off his bed with a thud, and he shouts in surprise.

He’s crying again.

_ Dammit  _ he curses, tears streaming uncontrollably down his face. 

He lays there on the cold floor, curled up.

He’s shaking as his body racks with sobs. 

**_“You’re a waste of our time, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa sing-songs. “We only came to you because it was a good opportunity to use you”_ **

He resists the urge to walk to the cupboard under his sink.

_ ‘I don’t need it’  _ He thinks, crying.  _ ‘I’ve been clean for weeks, I don’t need it’ _

**_“Because face it, King, you’re not worth anyone’s time”_ **

It was a dream.

They’d never say that-

_ They would.  _

_ It was the perfect pattern.  _

_ His mother left first, then his father.  _

_ And now the only people that had to leave were them. _

_ He wasn’t worth their time.  _

_ He didn’t deserve to see Oikawa’s honest-to-god smile that made him melt on the spot. He didn’t deserve to feel Iwaizumi’s chapped lips against his own when he leaned down to kiss him.  _

He rocked back and forth, his knees pulled up to his chest, trying to stop  _ crying.  _

_ They don’t need you, they’re fine without you.  _

_ It helps, Tobio, you just have to pick up the razor, and this? _

_ This will all be gone. _

_ Trust me.  _

-and he repeats the same mistake he’s repeated over and over and over again.

He trusts the voice and listens.

_ Dammit  _ he listens.

He’s sitting down on the bathroom floor later, his shirt discarded on the floor, his stomach and chest stinging with pain. 

There’s a lot of blood, he’s aware of that.

The razor falls to the ground with a clang, and he realizes his hands are shaking.

_ He’s  _ shaking.

He stumbles out of the bathroom, grabbing the first aid kit under his bed.

His hands don’t stop shaking even after he’s cleaned the wounds and wrapped them up.

_ Dammit  _ he listened.

He passes out on the floor, forgetting to clean the blood all over the bathroom tiles.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.


	7. Because It's Better Than Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts over coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so so sorry for leaving you guys there T-T   
> Don't worry though! I plan on leaving this fic on a happy note

Tobio stared at his reflection on the mirror.

He looked like shit.

Like he had just been run over by a truck, despite having showered and changed his bandages a few minutes ago, and even changed into a clean white shirt and shorts.

He  _ felt  _ like he had just been run over.

There’s still some steam looming around in the bathroom, and the glass is fogging up again, so he wipes the damp away with the palm of his hand.

He sighs, turning the tap on, splashing his face with water, blinking the wet out of his eyes.

**_“Tobio-chan~” He hears a familiar voice._ **

**_He freezes._ **

**_Because it wasn’t the sweet tone Oikawa used with him recently._ **

**_It was the mocking tone that screamed at him to run._ **

He shuts the tap off, blindly turning around to wipe the water off his face with the towel.

**_He looks up and sees his two soulmates scowling down at him in disappointment._ **

He’s threatened to collapse, and he leans heavily on the wall by his side.

**_“We’re done, Tobio,” Iwaizumi says, his arms crossed._ **

He shuts his eyes tight, trying to forget.

_ Forget, forget, forget. _

**_“Wait!” he sobs. “You said you wouldn’t, you promised-”_ **

_ Forget.  _

**_“You’re a waste of our time, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa sing-songs. “We only came to you because it was a good opportunity to use you”_ **

_ Forget it, Kageyama. _

**_“Against that chibi-chan, ofcourse,” Oikawa laughs. “Because face it, King, you’re not worth anyone’s time”_ **

_ He’s right, he wasn’t worth-  _ stop it.

Stop. 

Stop it.

Please.

**_“No,” he says, his voice small, trying hard to barricade the hundreds and thousands of thoughts creeping up at him, whispering tauntingly to his ear._ **

**_“No”_ **

_ Stop.  _

**_Oikawa waves, “Goodbye, Tobio-chan~”_ **

_ Stop it. _

**_“WAIT!”_ **

His eyes fly open and he stumbles back, his back colliding with the door, and he brings his hands up to his face and sobs.

He slides down to the floor, crying into his hands.

Why couldn’t he forget it?

It wasn’t real. It hasn’t happened.

_ It won’t.  _

But even as Tobio tries and tries to tell himself that it hasn’t happened and that it  _ won’t,  _ he couldn’t help but think he was lying to himself.

Because Tooru wasn’t that evil.

He wouldn’t apologize just to get Kageyama on his side and use him to Seijoh’s advantage.. Right?

Later, when Tobio stops by the park for fresh air, wearing a light beige shirt and faded jeans, he thinks.

and thinks, and thinks, and thinks.

He’s desperately hungry, since he hadn’t eaten since yesterday lunch, so he stops by a cafe and buys a small coffee. 

It was better than nothing, right?

Tobio’s cupping the warm coffee in his hands as he stares out at the open park.

Ever since his father had died, he had craved for something.

Something he couldn’t describe until only recently when Oikawa had his arms wrapped around his chest and Iwaizumi held his hands.

He wanted to be loved.

To be held by someone who loved him.

The last time he’d been held like that was by his father, a long, long time ago.

He wanted to feel the warm, bubbly,  _ happy  _ feeling that bloomed in his chest whenever Tooru smiled at him, or when Hajime stared at him fondly with his soft emerald eyes.

He also knew it wouldn’t last.

That there would be a time where he wouldn’t feel complete anymore.

Where he’d feel like he did the past 9 years. 

He didn’t like that feeling, he decided. 

It was lonely and dark and void.

He didn’t want to feel like that again.

Though he knew they would eventually realize that they were happier without him, he allowed himself to enjoy the time he had with them.

Because after all, it was better than nothing, right?

His phone lights up and dings with a new notification.

It’s Hinata and his excessive emojis, reminding him that the sleepover was tomorrow and that he was very,  _ very  _ excited.

He rolls his eyes, typing a reply among the lines-  _ yes i know, boke. Cut out the emojis! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets happier:)


	8. The Karasuno sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chaotic Karasuno family:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little Karasuno fam:))))

_ “Have you packed your toothbrush and toothpaste?” _

“Yes-”

_ “What about your pajamas for the night?” _

“Er, yes-”

_ “-and how about your clothes for tomorrow-” _

_ “OI CRAPPYKAWA, KAGEYAMA ISN’T A KID!”  _

_ “Gomen, Iwa-chan,”  _ Oikawa coos from his side of the call.  _ “I’m only looking out for Tobio-chan, isn’t that right, Tobio?” _

“Uh,” Kageyama hesitates, “yes?”

_ “See?” _

_ “I heard the question mark, Tooru”  _

_ “But-” _

_ “Shut up,”  _ Hajime snaps,  _ “He’s going to be fine, it's not like he’ll be travelling to America” _

“I’ll be okay, Oikawa-san-”

_ “Call me Tooru, Tobio-chan!” _ __   
  


“I’ll be okay,  _ Oikawa-san, _ ” Kageyama grins, repeating his words, “Sugawara-senpai and Daichi-senpai are both perfectly capable of handling us.. I hope”

_ “I feel bad for your captains” _

_ “Same” _

_ “Are you sure this is a good idea?” _

Kageyama huffed. “I asked that too”

_ “Well,”  _ Tooru began,  _ “If it ever gets too chaotic there, you can always ask us to kidnap you-” _

_ “No” _

_ “But-” _

_ “No” _

_ “But what about-” _

_ “NO” _

They hear Hajime sigh.  _ “You should go, Tobio, or you’ll be late, I’ll take care of Tooru” _

“Thank you, Iwaizumi-san”

_ “It’s Hajime, Tobio” _

“Thank you, Hajime”

Kageyama ignores the shrieks of outrage as he ends the call.

He smiles fondly, pocketing his phone and heading out the door, his backpack slung over his shoulder.

He was going to be okay. 

It was just a sleepover.

He was going to be fine.

He was going to- 

_ die.  _

He was going to  _ die.  _

It was- it was  _ crazy _ .

Hinata, Noya and Tanaka were shrieking like hyenas at the television, something about  _ “NO! MY LOVE! DON’T LEAVE ME FOR THAT SHITHEAD”  _ and  _ “WHY? WHY HIM?!”  _ and  _ “COME BACK!” _

Sugawara was playing Monopoly with Chikara and Ennoshita, before the vice-captain flips the board over and yells  _ “I’M DONE WITH THIS SHIT! GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY!” _

Daichi was continuously chugging down liter bottles of coke, burping out every once in a while.

Tsukkishima.. Tsukkishima was fine.

He was sitting in a corner, headphones in.

Yamaguchi.. Yamaguchi was fine too, if Kageyama didn’t think he was eating the plastic bag along with the cheetos.

_ ‘I shouldn’t have come’  _ Kageyama thinks as he slowly backs up. 

He accidentally steps on a coke bottle, and he winces as he hears it  _ crunch  _ under his feet.

All heads turn to him simultaneously. 

Kageyama is edging out the door quicker now.

_ “Oh shit” _


	9. Extra key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Tobio-chan learns the Grand King's serve.

After receiving a call from Tobio-chan last night, yelling at him to pick him up and  _ “THEY’RE CRAZY! PICK ME UP OIKAWA-SAN! THEY’RE TRYING TO DUMP MILK OVER ME! HELP- OH MY GOD-” _

Oikawa, being the  _ sweet  _ boyfriend he is,  _ didn’t  _ pick Tobio up.

Right now, he’s standing at the door of Kageyama’s apartment, ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door.

“Toibo-chan~” he calls, knocking on the door. 

He’s answered with silence.

He pouts. “Ne, Tobio-chan, I’m  _ sorry  _ for leaving you at the mercy of the crows okay?” he whines, “just let me in”

More silence.

He sighs, looking around for a sign of any extra key.

He kicks the welcome mat up with his shoe, and he sighs solemnly when he sees a silver key.

“Oh, Tobio” he chuckles, picking the key up and opening the door.

He’s never been in Tobio’s apartment, so it was pretty much his first time there.

He wandered around the house, calling his soulmate’s name.

He pushed open a door and almost yelled the crow’s name when he noticed just where Kageyama was.

The blue-eyed setter was passed out on his desk, the headphones hanging around his neck, and the laptop screen still opened. 

He probably passed out watching videos of the matches-

Tooru blinks.

_ What? _

He edges closer to the screen, careful not to wake his soulmate up.

It’s him. 

Or rather, it’s a video of him. Of his serve. 

He spots a notebook full of post-its and messy ha _ nd _ writing and he picks it up. 

They’re notes to perfect the serve,  _ his  _ serve.

He sighs, putting the notebook down.

Guilt crept up at the back of his mind, recalling the way he almost hit the blue-eyed setter when he asked him to teach him his serve.

He shakes Kageyama’s shoulders gently.

“Hey,” he prods “Tobio-chan, wake up”

And Tobio blinks.

His neck is stiff, and his back aches slightly. 

He yawns.  _ (and Tooru’s heart melts because- aww, he’s so cutee) _

“Tobio” he hears a familiar voice chuckle next to his ear, and he feels someone’s arms wrapped around his waist.

“Oikawa-san?” he blinks the lights too bright.

Why was he on his desk? How did he…

_ Oh r _ _ight_. 

He was watching the video of Oikawa-san's serve.

_...wait- _

His eyes widen, and he backs up all of a sudden trying to get out of Oikawa’s grip but the older didn’t show any signs of letting go.

“O-oikawa-san-” he cuts himself off, his eyes wandering to the screen which was open, video paused. "How did you..."

Oikawa chuckled, warm tufts of air grazing his skin and Tobio shivered.

“The doormat? Don’t hide it there, Tobio-chan” 

Kageyama felt heat rise up to his cheeks.

“I-”

He whimpers when Oikawa kisses the back of his neck slightly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Oikawa asks into his ear, “You learnt the serve by watching me?”

“You… uh, told me that you wouldn’ teach me your serve” Kageyama says quietly, and he winces when the arms tighten around his waist. “The only way I could learn was by watching you”

He hears Oikawa sigh. 

There’s silence.

“I’ll teach you,” Tooru says softly. “I’ll teach you my serve”

Kageyama resists the urge to get up and dance to  _ Hallelujah.  _

“Oikawa-san are you s ur- ”

“I’m sure” Tooru smiles, “It’s the least I can do to make up for what I did and said to you back then”

Tobio doesn’t respond, opting to look away.

What Oikawa had said back in KitaDai had hurt him,  _ yes,  _ but it was  _ true.  _

“Tobio?”

Kageyama blinks. “Sorry,” he says, “I-”

Tooru frowns. 

“Stop it,” he snaps, “What I said back then was  _ wrong,  _ I was wrong”

_ How did he- _

“I can practically hear your thoughts,” Oikawa smiles slightly. 

“I want you to stop thinking about it, yeah? We’re both happier with you around, so don’t  _ ever  _ think the opposite, okay?”

Kageyama nods. “Okay”

“We both love you, Tobio,” Oikawa hums, his breath tickling his ear. “Don’t doubt that”

Kageyama swallows. “Okay” he lies through his teeth.

**_“Because face it, King, you’re not worth anyone’s time”_ **

Tooru smiles brightly and plants a kiss on the corner of the younger’s mouth.

Kageyama reaches up and brings the captain down for another kiss, and another, and another.

  
  



	10. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's brothers though not related by blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the late update T-T i wanted to finish more chapters than usual so u could enjoy!!

Every Sunday, Kageyama waited outside the small coffee place a couple of blocks away from his own, with 2 coffee cups and a hot chocolate in his hands.

The hot chocolate was for Ushiwaka. 

The ace hated coffee with a burning passion. Tobio didn’t phantom why. 

The cappuccino with an extra shot of espresso was Tendou’s. 

The vanilla latte with added milk was Tobio’s.

“Tobio-kunnn~” 

Kageyama turns around to see the ace and blocker of Shiratorizawa skipping (well, Ushijima was walking) towards him.

“Hello” The blue-eyed setter smiled in their direction as he handed them their orders.

“Hi!” Tendou chirped, grabbing at his coffee.

“Hello, Tobio” Ushijima nodded in his way of saying  _ hi _ , taking the hot chocolate from the setter. 

“Hi” 

They walk down the sidewalk, with Tendou slinging an arm around Kageyama’s shoulders and slipping a hand in Ushijima’s grip. 

“-and so Waka-kun was like,  _ we’ve known each other for 7 years, we’re like older brothers,  _ and so I said,  _ we’ll, we can just ask him to call us onii-chan,  _ right, Waka-kun?”

“Er, yes-”

“So are we?,” Tendou looked down at Tobio with a bright smile. “Are we your older brothers?”

Kageyama thinks about it, taking a sip out of his coffee.

He’s known them for around 7 years.

Meeting at a bridge with a lake underneath on his birthday, and continuing the tradition of Sunday hang-outs until now.

Hi sighed into the coffee cup.

_ His father’s suicide. _

That was probably the first blow.   
He didn’t really know his mother, so it didn’t hurt that much (but it still hurt).

After that, he tried too hard to impress, to make people happy.

He lost sight of who he was and started to do things he regretted, just to make people happy.

People called him fat, he started to cut down on his already strict diet.   
He was proud when he had started to lose weight.

People called him stupid, he spent extra hours studying in place of his well needed sleep.   
He was happy when he started getting full marks.

People called his volleyball skills horrible out of envy, but he started to believe it, adding extra hours to practice, diminishing any thought of rest.

Slowly, he fell into a pit of anxiety, worrying about what other people wanted over what had made him happy. 

_ The match. _ _   
_ That was most probably the second blow.

Where he earned himself the title  _ King of the Court. _ _   
_ And egotistical, selfish, dictator.

Someone everybody found unpleasant.

Someone he strove not to be.

And he fell further into the pit, carrying the anxiety turned depression everywhere he went.

The voices started.    
The voices that told him he wasn’t worth it, that he wasn’t supposed to be happy on the rare moments he can.

The voices he started to listen to.

He started to stop trying altogether.

Then the final blow came.   
When he found out how happy his soulmates were without him.

They didn’t need him, nobody did.   
It hit him hard. 

First his father had left him, saying that he  _ had  _ made him happy.

Now he wasn’t able to make his soulmates happy enough with him.

_ So why not disappear? _

All he had served to show, trying to please the people around him, proved all the more that he wasn’t needed.

He wasn’t needed.

_ 2 years after he was rejected, on his birthday, he took a detour from his path to the apartment and walked to the bridge just on the outskirts of Miyagi. _

_ A peaceful and desolate place no one seemed to pass by. _

_ He stood on the bridge, staring down at the thin ice that had frozen over the small lake. _

_ He didn’t know how to swim, and this seemed like the quietest way to leave. _

_ Nobody seemed to need him around. _ _   
_ _ Especially not Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san. _

_ His father didn’t seem to need him either when he decided to leave him behind. _

_ He feels tears drop on the back of his hand, and he lets the tears fall. _

_ ‘I just want to be held again’ he thinks as he stares down at the lightly covered ice on the lake. ‘I wish that wasn’t too much to ask’ _

_ He’s leaning forward before he could stop himself, and he falls in. _

_ He hears distant shouting, but all he could feel was the impact of the back against the ice. _

_ It cracks under the pressure, and gives way. _

_ He’s overwhelmed by the freezing waters, and he shuts his eyes as the current takes him. _

_ He’s sinking, and he doesn’t even try to swim. _

_ “Shit!” _

_ “No, no, no!” he hears distantly, and someone jumps into the water with him. _

_ He’s running out of oxygen, and he feels light-headed. _

_ It’s freezing. _

_ A pair of arms grab him, hauling him up. _

_ There’s a flash of red, and all Kageyama could think about was a rooster. _

_ He chokes up a weak laugh, his lungs feeling on fire. _

_ “Don’t die,” someone pleads. “Please don’t die- Wakatoshi! Help me!” _

_ The stranger pleads some more, another figure comes into his view, and that’s all he could remember before he passes out completely. _

_ Then there’s a bright light. _

_ Kageyama groans, and he blinks. _

_ “Hey,” someone says, and Kageyama struggles to sit up. _

_ “Don’t try to sit up” _

_ ‘Too late’ Kageyama thinks as he’s hit with a wave of nausea. _

_ He groans, laying back down. _

_ “You see?” The stranger scolds “That’s why you should learn to listen” _

_ Kageyama lifts his arm to shield his eyes from the bright light. _ _   
_ _ He makes out a figure sitting next to the bed. _

_ “I listen plenty” He says back, his voice raspy. _

_ The voice chuckles, and Kageyama’s vision clears. _

_ -it’s a guy with bright red, spiky hair that stood up on the end, a wide smile that seemed both pure and manic. _

_ “How’re you feeling?” he asks. _

_ Kageyama ponders on answering the robotic ‘fine’ he’s always told people whenever they ask. _

_ He decides not to. _

_ “I..” he trails off. “It could be better” _

_ There’s a bark, and Kageyama finally notices the golden retriever that’s sitting right next to the stranger’s seat. _

_ “This is Yui,” The guy says, bending down to give the big, golden dog a pat on the head. “She’s Wakatoshi’s dog” _

_ The stranger must have seen his confused expression, because he quickly explains. _

_ “Ushijima Wakatoshi, my soulmate” _

_ Kageyama’s eyes grow wide. _

_ “Ushijima-san?” He wonders out loud.  _ _   
_ _ Wasn’t that Oikawa-san’s rival? _

_ He looks down at the thought of his.. soulmate.  _

_ “I’m Tendou Satori” The stranger- now dubbed as Tendou-san introduces. _

_ “Kageyama,” He replies “Kageyama Tobio” _

Satori later insists on being on a first name basis, seeing that they grew to be closer than brothers.

He learns Satori used to drown in a pit of depression, being bullied everyday in his middle school and by his neighbor’s kids.

_ “Waka-kun helped me,” He explains later on, “He helped me out of that well, and he’s been a caring boyfriend since” _

They don't ask for an explanation or pester him for reasons. They simply waited and regularly reminded him that they were there, and that they cared.

Tobio soon found himself a part of the Satori and Wakatoshi family, walking Yui during his morning runs, and learning how to cook from Satori’s mom, who he later found out was also left by her husband.

On his birthday, a year later, Kageyama tells them the reason why he tried to take his life.

He had to restrain Wakatoshi from marching up to his rivals and socking them in the face.

_ “Ushijima-san” a soft voice cuts Ushijima and Tendou in the middle of muttering the evil plans they had come up with to accidentally murder their rivals. _

_ They turn to him. _ _   
_ _ Tobio smiles gently. “It’s fine, like I said, it doesn’t bother me as much” _

Kageyama looks up and gives them a smile.

“You’re both like family,  _ onii-chan”  _ he grins when he sees Ushijima turn away, red peeking out of his ears. 

Satori squeals and scoops Kageyama up in a hug.

“We’re older brothers, Waka-kun!” he celebrates, ignoring his soulmate telling him to put Tobio down.

“I am  _ so  _ going to claim bragging rights,” Tendou flips his imaginary hair. 

“Not if I claim it first”

Kageyama smiles, walking next to the two soulmates, a small bubble of jealousy rising up in his chest as he sees Ushijima slip his arm around Tendou’s shoulders, kissing the blocker’s cheek.

“Yuck,” he fakes throwing up, laughing at their red faces.

_ ‘I should be happy for them’  _ he thinks to himself, chucking the empty coffee cup in a nearby bin.  _ ‘and I am, it’s just-’ _

His eyes linger on their intertwined hands a little longer.

_ ‘I just wish it were the same for me’.  _

He runs after them. 

_ “Onii-chan!” _

“Call me that again”

“Onnichan!”

Tendou shouts a  _ hallelujah  _ earning stares from a few passer-bys.


	11. The plans of a kidnapping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texts and fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

It's on the way to Tokyo that his phone lights up with a notification.

He unlocks his phone.

It’s his soulmates.

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Tobio-chan~  _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Have a safe trip (*ゝω・)ﾉ _

**Aceeeeeeeeee**

_ Have a safe trip to Tokyo, Tobio _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Yes, I heard that the chibi-chan threw up all over your senpai’s uniform (ಡ艸ಡ) _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ I hope that doesn’t happen to you ☆=(ゝω･)/ _

**Aceeeeeeeeee**

_ Shittykawa _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ goman iwa-chan _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Hello _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Thank you, Oikawa-san _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ (╥_╥) _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Tobio-chan~ Call me Tooru _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Sure _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ ✿♥‿♥✿ _

**Tobio-chan**

_ Oikawa-san _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ AHAHAHAHAHA _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ (Ｔ▽Ｔ) _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Betrayal. Betrayal.  _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Are you still planning to kidnap me? _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Yes _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ No _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Yes _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ No _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ But iwa-chan~ _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ No _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Can you kidnap me? _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ say what- _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Being with Hinata is tiring _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeee**

_ Tobio- _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ and i’ll miss you both _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ can you kidnap me? _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Please, Iwa? _

**Pretty Setter~** **  
** _ It won’t even take two hours _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ You’ll miss him too _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ admit it _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Please _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_.... _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ Fine _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ YES _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ But only because Tobio’s the one asking _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ I- _

**Pretty Setter~** **  
** _ I’ll be nice this once and ignore that _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ You are never nice, Oikawa-san _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ Yes, I agree _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Is he nice to you, Iwaizumi-san _

  
  


**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ no. _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Iwa- _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ also it’s Hajime, Tobio _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ oh right _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ sorry  _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ I meant _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Hajime _

**Pretty Setter~**

_.... _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ I hope you both die _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ good _

**Aceeeeeeeeee**

_ That means we’re spared your existence _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ That’s it. _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ I’m calling my lawyer _


	12. Serve of the Kings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the title says.  
> Oh and,, enjoy!

They were against Nekoma when it happened.

When Kageyama served the  _ “Serve of the Kings”  _ as Hinata had dubbed it.

When everyone’s practice match had paused for just a second just to watch the magnificent serve.

It went like this.

Kageyama sighed as he was tossed a ball, walking to the end of the court.

“Nice serve, Kageyama!” His teammates encouraged, knowing that there wasn’t really any need. 

There was a 9/10 chance that he’d miss. They knew that well.

Kageyama spun the ball in his hands, thinking.    
_ ‘Should I serve Oikawa’s way?’  _ he ponders, watching the yellow and blue colors spin around in his palms.  _ ‘If I miss, it would break the good mood the team’s in’  _

He sighs again, deciding to try out the newly mastered serve.

The whistle blew.

_ “Okay, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa picks a ball up.  _

_ “You have flick your wrist like this to be able to toss high enough for this serve” _

He flicks his wrist, and the ball flies out of his hand. 

_ “Make sure it flies, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa hums, tossing the ball. “Then take big steps, and run” _

Tobio ran. 

_ “Then jump” Oikawa, hops slightly on his feet, and Kageyama laughs slightly.  _

_ “Don’t laugh, Tobio-chan” _

_ Kageyama smiles. “I’m not laughing” _

He jumps, higher than he thought he would, but it’s okay.

His back arches, and he swings his arm down to meet the ball with the palm of his hand, looking straight at the empty spot between Nekoma’s captain and the pudding-head setter. 

_ “Then hit it” _

He does, and the ball crosses the net at an impossible speed, and it lands with a thud that resonates throughout the gym.

His feet touch the ground, and he feels a rush of adrenaline rise to his cheeks.

_ “Good job, Tobio” Oikawa leans in and gives him a kiss.  _

Every player, coach and manager in the gym turn to stare at the blue-eyed setter.

Kageyama’s panting slightly, having used most of his strength for that hit.

“N-nice serve, K-kageyama-kun-”

_ “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!”  _

“Language-”

_ “Holy shit _ , I mean, his serve was already good the last time-”

_ “Language” _

Kageyama turns red, ignoring the snickers of Tsukkishima because- he did it.

It wasn’t out,  _ thank god,  _ or that would’ve been embarrassing. 

He’s brought back to the world of the living when Hinata suddenly exclaims-

“The Serve of the Kings!” Hinata shouts, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

He frowns in confusion. “Boke what-”

“The Serve of the Kings,” Hinata starts, “because  _ The Grand King  _ serves like that too!”

Realization strikes Daichi.

“Oh” he says simply. 

“Kageyama-kun,” He starts, and the setter turns to him. “Have you been training with Seijoh’s captain?”

He choked on his spit.

“I-  _ what-” _

-then Kuroo-san’s doubled over, laughing.

“Him?!” He laughs, “training with that pretty face?!” He wheezes. 

“I don’t thinks so,  _ they hate each other's guts!”  _

Kageyama laughs along nervously. “Yeah,” he chuckles tersely, “Why would I ever train with Oikawa-san?”

Inside he was panicking like crazy.

_ ‘As long as they don’t find out’  _ he thinks as Daichi congratulates him for the amazing serve, warning him not to overwork. 

“I won’t,” he assures his captain.  _ ‘Or Hajime would have my head’  _

It’s lunch when he receives a text from his soulmates.

He opens the chat under the table.

**Pretty Setter~**

_ We’ll be picking (read: kidnapping) you up at midnight, Tobio-chan, we’ll be going to Mcdonalds  _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ Because he’s broke asf _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ But that’s because the team forces me to take them out for lunch _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeee**

_ Yes. _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeee**

_ You’re a great captain _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Iwa-chan- _

**Aceeeeeeeeeee**

_ NOT _

Kageyama grinned, laughing a bit.

He sends something to insult his pretty soulmate before shutting the phone off and returning to his food.

He finds everyone looking at him.

_ ‘Damn what now’ _

“I was not aware you could laugh, Kageyama-kun” Kuroo says, his eyebrows raised. He sends him a look. “Who were you texting under the table?”

“No one” He answers all too quickly, earning himself a sly look from the owl-head captain.

“Ohohoho”

“OHOHOHO”

Nishinoya smirked, turning to his kouhai.

“So,” he snickers, “who’s the lucky girl-”

_ “Noya!”  _ Tanaka sobs dramatically, “you aren’t supposed to be encouraging him! He got a girl before we did!”

Noya’s smirk drops. 

“Oh right”

He turns his attitude 180.

“Kageyama,” he growls, “who’s the lucky girl?”

Tanaka nods beside his best friend. 

“Yeah, Noya’s right!” he cries out dramatically. “You got some skills, my kouhai”

Kageyama could only blink.

“I- uh,” he hesitates. 

“Don’t you have Asahi-san, Noya-senpai?” he tries to turn the tables, but Noya only slams his hands down.

“Don’t try to change the subject, Kageyama-kun”

Everyone’s got their eyes on him, and he couldn’t really lie, so-

“It’s uh,” he says, “he’s my soulmate”

_ Not a lie.  _

_ But not the whole truth either. _

“SOULMATE?!”

Hinata looks mortified. 

“AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME!”

_ “WELL YOU NEVER ASKED SO” _

“THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS YOU TELL YOUR BEST FRIEND!” Hinata yells “THIS IS ONE OF THEM!”

Sugawara blinks, raising a slow hand.

“Are we going to ignore the fact that he said  _ he?” _

The bickering falls silent.

Kageyama inwardly curses for being so stupid.

“I-” he begins before a flurry of questions are aimed at him.


	13. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio can't breathe, thinking that there's no air left for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the confusion! I forgot to delete a draft, hence why chapter 10 was missing. So sorry!

They kidnap him at eleven in the night.

“Do we even have a getaway car?” he hisses, jumping out of the window, landing softly on his feet. 

Thank god the room Karasuno used for the training camp was on the first floor.

“Well,” Oikawa drawled, scratching the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly “Uh, no”

The (pretty) setter sported a simple white button up shirt and skinny jeans, along with a pair of converse. The perfect example of casual/formal.

“Of course we didn’t, shittykawa,” Hajime scowls. Now the ace was wearing a white shirt underneath the denim jacket, jeans that looked fairly new and worn out sneakers. “None of us own cars”

Kageyama felt relief flood his chest at the sight of what his soulmates were wearing on their “first date”. 

He didn’t know what to pack, so he wore a simple white hoodie, simple jeans, and a pair of sneakers. 

He pats the dirt off of his jeans, and they hurry to exit the school’s grounds, wary of getting caught.

“You mentioned Mcdonalds,” Kageyama says, grinning slightly at the childish bickering. “Are you talking about the Mcdonalds just a few blocks from here?”

“Yes,” Oikawa sighs, “Sorry it isn’t anything fancy, Tobio-chan, we couldn’t really find any other restaurant open at this time in the nigh-”

Tobio was quick to cut in, hastily assuring them that it was-

“-fine,” he hurries, “it’s cool that we’re sneaking out in the middle of the night for our first date”

He smiles gently, “besides, you both drove all the way from Miyagi to get here,” he shrugs, looking away as he feels himself blush “that means a lot to me”

He’s about to look up with a questioning gaze because it’s too quiet all of a sudden when-

“TOBIO-CHAN~” Oikawa grabs him in an embrace from behind.

_ “Oikawa-san-” _

“That’s so  _ cute!”  _ Oikawa hugs him tighter, and he gasps for air.

“Oikawa-san,  _ I can’t-” _

Tooru,  _ the bastard,  _ doesn’t make any move to let go.

Kageyama gasps, and he swears he feels his ribs pop.

“I’m going to be carrying you all the way to Mcdonalds since we don’t have a car” Tooru says nonchalantly into his ear, Kageyama’s feet dangling slightly above the pavement ground. (he curses his soulmates for being so goddamn tall) he also curses for sounding so much like a certain middle blocker)

_ “Oikawa-” _

“Nope~”

_ “Oikawa-san-” _

“Tobio,” he sighs, faking disappointment, and the blue-eyed setter shivers when a puff of air grazes his cheek. “You’re only making this harder for yourself”

Kageyama shoots a  _ what-the-fuck-are-you-smiling-there-for  _ look at Iwaizumi, who only chuckles in response.

“He’s going to carry you  _ all the way to Mcdonalds _ ”

_ “You fucking traitor,”  _ he hisses.

“Come on, Tobio-chan,” Tooru laughs. “Just let it rest”

Kageyama scowls. “Fine,” he snaps, ignoring Iwaizumi’s laughter. 

Oikawa soon complains, and the crow soon finds himself on Oikawa’s back, his arms laced around the captain’s neck.

“I feel like a child,” Tobio mutters into Tooru’s shoulder, as the captain pushes open the door of the empty Mcdonalds.

“Do you want to get off?” Oikawa asks.

_ “No”  _

Tooru laughs, making his way to the cashier. 

Once they ordered, which took a while because they argued about what to order (the lady at the register tried not to laugh but ultimately failed  _ “Iwa-chan~” Oikawa whined, “See? She’s laughing at us” “She’s laughing at  _ you,  _ shittykawa” _ ), they sat on the grass of an open park just across the street.

The crow sits next to Iwaizumi, leaning into the ace’s arms.

Oikawa makes a snarky comment about hogging Tobio-chan all for himself, so Hajime decides to spread salt into the wound and leans in to give the blue-eyed boy a long, sweet kiss.

When he pulls away, Tobio’s cheeks are red and Oikawa is close to throwing his burger at Iwa-chan’s face.

They find themselves talking about parents.

“I told my mom,” Hajime hums, running a hand through Kageyama’s hair. “about the three of us, I mean”

Oikawa scoffs. “Is there a reason not to?,” He frowns, shoving at least 4 fries into his mouth. “I mean, I told my parents too” he says, but his voice comes out muffled, so Tobio snorts out a laugh.

“He’s laughing,” Tooru pouts, “Tobio-chan’s laughing at me”

Kageyama bursts into laughter, and the Seijoh captains are graced with his smile.

They find themselves smiling too.

“What about you, Tobio?,” Iwaizumi looks down at his soulmate, not knowing the landmine he had just stepped on. “Have you told your parents about us?”

Kageyama swallows.

“I,” he starts, hesitating. “Yeah, I told them,” the lie slips through his teeth, “They seem particularly fond of Iwaizumi-san”

Iwaizumi smiles smugly at Oikawa.

“What about me?” Oikawa pouts.

Kageyama waves a hand flippantly.

“Oh no,” he smirks, “they couldn’t care less about you”

Tooru’s jaw drops, and they burst out laughing.

_ ‘I’m getting better at this’  _ Tobio thinks, smiling apologetically at the brown eyed setter.  _ ‘I’ll tell them soon’  _ he tries to convince himself, but he finds himself not wanting to tell them.

Oikawa steals him away from Iwaizumi’s strong arms, engulfing him in a hug.

He breathes in Oikawa’s smell-  _ chocolate and vanilla. Sweet. Bittersweet. Pretty. _

_ What was there to be afraid of? _

Tobio forces a smile, choking up a laugh, his voice muffled by Oikawa’s shirt.

_ Rejection.  _

Iwaizumi says something about kissing him better, and Oikawa takes the challenge head on.

Fingers are laced under his chin.

He shivers when the captain runs a thumb over his lips.

His head is tilted up, and he meet’s Tooru’s brown eyes.

Beautiful,  _ beautiful.  _

He finds himself staring, dazed. 

“Get some air Tobio-chan~” Tooru says, and Kageyama isn’t even able to breathe in a tuck of air before the captain captures his lips with his own.

_ Breathe, Tobio.  _

Kageyama moans softly as his cheeks are cupped by warm hands.

Tooru’s lips are incredibly soft.

_ They’ll leave soon.  _

Oikawa runs a hand through his black locks, and kisses him deeper.

He could almost hear his voice.  _ “I kiss him better, Iwa-chan~” _

_ “Tobio, who’s kisses do you prefer more?” _

**_Breathe._ **

_ “Both” Kageyama would hum, lacing his fingers with Oikawa’s hand. “I like both” _

Kageyama gasps for air, pulling back, but he’s pulled right back into the kiss.

He doesn’t complain.

_ Get some air, Tobio-chan.  _

He feels warm lips on the back of his neck, and he whimpers into Tooru’s mouth.

He feels Hajime’s hands on his waist. 

Tooru’s bites his bottom lip, and he lets out a careless moan.

Hajime’s hands wander under his shirt, and he gasps breathlessly when Iwaizumi bites down on his skin.

_ Breathe before there’s no air to spare for you. _

~~_ Breath before there’s no more love to spare for you. _ ~~


	14. Evicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama gets home from his training camp in Tokyo and finds a surprise waiting at his doorstep.

When Kageyama turns the corner of the hall and spots his apartment lot, he doesn’t expect to see all his belongings (not a lot, just books, a few bags and 3 boxes) sitting outside his door, his welcome mat rolled up.

His heart plummets.

He sees a red colored paper stuck on his door, and he takes it with shaking hands.

The moment he sees the bolded words, not bothering to read the rest of the letter, the paper drops to the floor.

So does the setter.

_nononono._

He couldn’t bring himself to cry, but he wanted to.

He really _really_ wanted to cry.

But not here.

Maybe at the bridge.

or with his soulmates- _no._

_nononono._

Why _him?_

He remembers to breathe, and he _tries._

_one two-_

He gasps for air, clutching at his chest.

_three four five-_

He’s breathing.

He isn’t choking on air.

okay. 

_okay._

_six seven eight nine-_

okay, 

_okay._

_Ten._ Ten. 

He’s breathing fine. Gasping short cups of air, but he’s okay.

He’s fine, he’s finefinefinefine.

_He’s not._

He pulls his knees up to his chest and leans back against one of the cardboard boxes that would probably contain his clothes.

Where was he supposed to go?

He couldn’t afford another apartment, not at this rate. And besides, how could he find one in the middle of the school year?

School.

_School._

There’s showers in the gym. He could buy food- snacks. He could probably ask Hinata to share his lunch. 

okay. He was getting somewhere.

_Sleep_.

Oh, right. 

The benches were fine. They weren’t comfortable, but he’d be able to sleep. 

-and if they found him in the gym, he’d just say he came there early. 

He’d have to wait for Hinata to go home though. 

okay. 

A small voice tells him to ask for help.

_From who?_

_His soulmates?_

No. He was quick to shut down the idea. 

He hugs his knees, pressed to his chest, and his head hangs lowly, his forehead brushing his knees.

_whywhywhy?_

-and to think that maybe, just _maybe,_ his life was starting to look up.


	15. the sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama trusts they wouldn’t leave him as long as he hides just how fucked up he really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sosososo sorry:D

It was Friday.

The day they had scheduled their sleepover at Iwaizumi’s house. 

_ “We’re going to help Tobio-chan study!”  _ was what Tooru had said.

_ “We’re also going to watch movies and eat chips, Tooru”  _ was what Iwaizumi said.

_ “I know” _

_ “You and your overworking mind” _

_ “Hey what’s that supposed to mean” _

_ “Exactly what it means” _

As Tobio runs to where Iwaizumi and Tooru stood (he didn’t accept the offer of the two picking him up at his apartment because- he didn’t really  _ have  _ an apartment to begin with), arms side, hands intertwined-  _ calling at him to hurry up-  _ he finds himself staring at the linked hands of his soulmates.

He snaps out of it though, and gives them a sweet smile (a convincing smile that had been practiced over and over in front of the mirror).

The Seijoh captains find themselves smiling back because,  _ oh my god that smile-  _

Tobio’s nose is crinkled slightly, giving him an adorable look, and his blue eyes are widened with tell-tale joy, a toothy grin displayed.

There was just something  _ off  _ with it though.

The smile was too wide, too  _ sweet-  _ like the blue-eyed boy was trying to convince them that-  _ yes, this smile? It's 100% real. It’s real. It’s real. Believe me, it’s real. _

They feel their hearts break.

The smile wasn’t real.

_ ‘He’s supposed to be happy’  _ Iwaizumi thinks, as he catches Tobio look away.  _ ‘Why isn’t he happy?’ _

Oikawa begins to distract his ace (and the crow) with exaggerated tales of how excited he was for the sleepover, he wasn’t able to think straight so “- _ Iwa-chan had to spike a ball to the back of my head! Can you believe it?” _

“-and so he  _ walked straight into a wall!”  _ Tooru laughs, “just because he was staring at me changing into my jersey-”

“Oi, shittykawa”

“Gome, iwa-chan~” Tooru winks, and smiles, sending them both his signature peace sign.

As Oikawa continued his episodes of ridiculous tales, Tobio smiles and laughs along, nodding enthusiastically every now and then.

They eat dinner at Iwaizumi’s house, and Kageyama insists on washing the dishes but his soulmates pull him away from the kitchen before he could even turn the tap on.

“I-”

“It’s alright, Kageyama-kun,” Iwaizumi’s mom says, smiling fondly as her son wraps his arms around the crow’s waist. “Go spend some time with them”

“O-ok”

Tooru doesn’t waste anymore time and pulls Tobio in the direction of Iwa-chan’s room, Iwaizumi follows closely behind.

They shower and change into their pajamas first,  _ (“TOORU- CLOTHES!” “but Iwa-chan-” “CLOTHES!”)  _ and crash on Iwaizumi’s bed, exchanging kisses and embarrassing stories about  _ shittykawa _ .

_ This is fun.  _

Tobio grins as Oikawa launches across him to tackle Iwaizumi to the ground.

_ But it isn’t going to last.  _

His smile tenses as the thought crosses his mind. 

_ ‘They’re not going to leave’  _ he thinks, watching as Hajime struck Oikawa’s back with a pillow. 

Well, at least, not  _ now.  _

He smiles as Oikawa groans, trying to get Iwaizumi to stop hitting him with the pillow.

“Ow!  _ Iwa-chan~  _ That hurt!”

“Then don’t try to push me off the bed,  _ shittykawa”  _

“Gomen, Iwa-chan” Tooru whines. 

He laughs, and the two just stop and just watch the setter smile.

He’s doing a convincing job, and if they didn’t notice Tobio looking away distantly every now and then they’d believe he was perfectly fine.

“Tobio-” Iwaizumi later catches his arm, as they sit in comfortable silence, Oikawa occasionally babbling about how cool his pajamas were, Tobio sandwiched between them- and Kageyama flinches.

Oikawa falls silent, noticing his soulmate’s sudden wince.

_ ‘Stupid’  _ Tobio scolds himself, preparing to brush off the reaction  _ ‘Stupid- what were you doing lost in your own thoughts?’ _

“Sorry,” he breathes, pulling away slightly, “You startled me for a second”

Iwaizumi frowns. “Tobio,” he says and the setter hums to tell him he’s listening.

The ace raises his hands and cups his cheeks, staring at the blue irises that meet his eyes when he turns his head to look at him.

“Are you okay?” Iwaizumi asks.

Tobio feels himself tense in his hold.

He looks away, trying to ignore his soulmate’s piercing green eyes.

“Fine,” he rasps out, feeling small all of a sudden. “I’m fine, Hajime”

Iwaizumi pauses.

“You’re not,” he begins, and Tobio turns to him with curious eyes. “You’re not fine, Tobio”

“I am,” he tries to smile, but it doesn’t affect Iwaizumi. Or Tooru. “I’m fine”

“Don’t try smiling, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa hums, running a hand through Tobio’s soft hair. “It doesn’t fool us”

“It could have fooled me” Kageyama slips, and he pales when he realizes what he had just said. He pulls away from Iwaizumi’s hold.

Oikawa’s grip on his waist loosens.

“I’m fine, I’m fine” he babbles, trying desperately to look for a way out of the conversation. 

He doesn’t go too far though.

Oikawa pulls him back, grabbing his wrist, and he falls onto the bed with a soft  _ oof.  _

“Tobio~” Oikawa croons into his ear. “Don’t lie, you aren’t fine”

“I am,” Tobio feels like crying. He couldn’t even lie about something so simple. 

_ He was fine.  _

~~_ He wasn’t. He wasn’t fine. He needed Tooru to hold him and tell him it was okay. He needed Hajime to kiss him and assure him they wouldn’t leave. _ ~~

_ He was fine. _

His soulmates don’t say anything for a few moments.

Why aren’t they saying anything?

He feels the bed shift, and he watches Iwaizumi stand up and say something, but he isn’t able to hear as he watches the ace walk out of the room.

_ He’s leaving- _

What? 

_ I can’t breathe. _

Tobio feels himself back away, but he isn’t able to process anything.

_ It’s too loud.  _

_ Quiet.  _

He doesn’t process the tell-tale tears that slip from his eyes that are shut tight.

He feels hands holding his, running a thumb over his knuckles, a soft voice-

_ Chocolate.  _ It smells like chocolate.

_ Stop. Stop. STOP. _

Why couldn’t he breathe? 

_ They’re going to leave. _

_ They’re going to leave you behind just like everyone else. _

_ They all left, Tobio.  _

He’s not good enough.

_ ‘Don’t leave’  _ he pleads silently through tears.  _ ‘Please don’t leave’.  _

He’s suddenly in someone’s arms. He’s not sure who it is, but he buries his face further into his shoulder.

_ Vanilla. Sweet. Chocolate. _

It’s Tooru.

It’s Tooru telling him to breathe, telling him that he could cry as much as he wanted, telling him-

“-i won’t leave, Tobio,” Oikawa whispers into his hair. “I love you”

Had he accidentally said that out loud?

_ Fuck.  _

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, hiccuping into Tooru’s alien pajamas. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

“Stop,” Tooru snaps, but there’s no malice in his voice. “Stop it”

“You’re going to leave,” he sobs into his shoulder. “Please don’t”

He shouldn’t be saying this.

_ Why was he- _

“Why?” Tooru says, “Why would we ever leave? We love you Tobio”

Tooru sighs quietly into the crown of his head.

“I know we didn’t accept you the first time we knew, and I regret that, I really do,” he says, “but we want you to know that we aren’t going to leave”

-and Tobio’s lost.

He doesn’t know how to respond.

Well.

He does, but he’s afraid that, _ maybe if- _ if he were to say it out loud, Tooru would realize-

_ “Oh,” Tooru would say, pulling away from the embrace. He would stare down at Tobio, and his eyes would hold disgust. “That makes perfect sense, Tobio-chan!” _

_ Because he’s not good enough. _

_ Because you’d get bored of me soon. _

_ I’m not interesting. _

_ It’s me. _

**_I’m_ ** _ me. _

_ ,and that’s not enough. _

_Why isn’t it enough_ _dammit._

_ ‘I just want to make you both happy.’  _ he thinks later as he’s the only one awake, squished between a sleeping Hajime and a snoring Tooru. He turns and shifts to stare at Oikawa’s peaceful (pretty) face. 

He tries not to lift a hand and run it through Tooru’s hair.

_ ‘He’s pretty,’  _ Tobio thinks. ‘ _ Very pretty’ _

“I know you’re staring at me, Tobio,” Tooru whispers, and Kageyama jumps. 

Arms are wrapped around his waist, and warm breath tickles his back. 

“Go to sleep,” Hajime groans, “I’m trying to sleep”

Tobio’s face warms at the sound of Hajime’s tired voice, a tad too deep from when he was actually up and awake.

Even if Tooru and Iwaizumi had repeatedly assured him,  _ peppered his face and cheek and neck with kisses,  _ that he was enough, he couldn’t shake the feeling that if they knew just how  _ fucked up  _ he was, they wouldn’t want him anymore.

_ ‘That’s why I won’t tell them’  _ he thinks into the night, his eyes fluttering closed- as he’s held between his soulmates.  _ ‘I won’t tell them, I won’t’ _

-and for now, he’s content with what he has. 

But he knows he could be happier.

He could be living with either of them, he could be eating properly, he could be sleeping, content, held in their arms.

_ I just want to be held. I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask? _


	16. Shatter and fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa doesn’t notice that Kageyama had failed to kiss back, frozen- paralyzed- in place with fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'm on an angsty roll, bear with me.

They arrived when Tobio had finally settled down between Oikawa and Iwaizumi on the big, _big,_ couch, melting into the soft cotton of the seat.

“Aw come _on,”_ Oikawa whines, not getting up because his arms were wrapped around Kageyama’s waist. “Iwa-chan, go get the door”

“I’m not getting the door” Iwaizumi counters, pausing, before resuming kissing Kageyama.

Oikawa rolls his eyes, but eventually slips off the couch and heads to the door.

His team stands there, looking at him expectantly, and he just _yawns._

“Why’d you have to come at such a bad timing,” he pouts. “You could have decided to pick me up late, or actually, you could have decided to just _never pick me up_ instead, but _noooo,_ you just had to be nice teammates and pick me up today”

His team frowned in confusion.

“Isn’t it-” Makki begins, “Isn’t it a good thing we’re here to pick you up?”

“At this point, I don’t know, and I don't care,” Oikawa snaps. “Wait a few minutes, I have to change”

He gestures at them to come in, and they do, shouting a few _“Sorry for the intrusion”_ before stepping into their vice-captain’s house.

Oikawa finds Iwaizumi atop Kageyama, pushing the younger one into the pillows, kissing the younger one like there was no tomorrow.

Kageyama gasps for air, laughing as Iwaizumi attacks his neck. 

“Hajime!” He laughs, and Oikawa smiles fondly. 

“Ne, ne, Iwa-chan~” he calls, feeling a _bit_ guilty for interrupting the scene. Iwaizumi turns and glares at him, and he feels himself take a step back.

“U-uh, we have to go?” 

Hajime huffs in annoyance.Kageyama sits up and grabs his mug of milk, not noticing the others standing behind Oikawa, wide-eyed.

“Can I have all the milk in the fridge?” He asks softly, smiling shyly at the ace who flushes red. 

“You can have all the milk in the fridge,” Iwaizumi says, and Kageyama thanks him profusely before sprinting to the kitchen to get the cartons of milk.

“You two saps” Oikawa hums fondly, the insult holding no malice.

Iwaizumi narrows his eyes when he turns to Oikawa. “Like you’re any better”

Oikawa _hmphs,_ crossing his arms competitively.

“At least I kiss him better”

_“Sure you do”_

“What? It’s true, ask him!”

“It’s not true, _shittykawa_ ”

“Oh i beg to differ”

“Then beg”

“I- _IWA-CHAN!”_

They bicker all the way to Iwaizumi’s room, leaving the dumbfounded team behind.

“That was-”

_“What the fuck?”_

-and just then, Kageyama decides to reappear, in front of his ex-middle school teammates, his soulmates’ team and circle of friends who, _he’s sure of,_ hate him with every inch of their skin.

He nearly drops the mug, but he knew how Iwaizumi liked to be clean, clean and proper so he holds tightly on the cup. 

He could imagine his look now. 

Wide eyes, in pajamas (shorts and an oversized shirt that belonged to Iwaizumi), his entire body shaking slightly (not that anyone noticed).

He breathes. 

He remembers to breathe.

“Kageyama?” Mattsun, probably one of the people that didn’t really hate him with every inch of his being- maybe just, _half_ of his hate was directed to him. “What are you doing here?”

“I..” he trails off, not knowing how to respond. 

_‘Tooru, Hajime,’_ he calls internally, ‘ _where are you?’_

“Uh, they invited me over?” He asks, and cringes. 

“Was that a question or an answer” Kindaichi snaps, and Tobio resists the urge to look away and run and never return.

“An answer?”

“Well I don’t believe it,” Kindaichi scowls, “I mean, for all you know, he could be playing some sort of _pity-party_ for them to be able to leach out Seijoh’s secrets and beat us”

_“Kindaichi”_

“What?,” Kindaichi looks around incredulously.

“Don’t tell me you seriously think our captains genuinely like this guy, I mean, how many times has Oikawa-san complained about him? _Oh gosh, Iwa-chan, Tobio-chan is just- ugh! He’s so fucking annoying and always asks me to teach him my serve, like I would ever”_

Kageyama strains to keep his breathing at bay- to keep his _thoughts_ at bay.

_Come on, you know this isn’t true Tobio._

_Pity-party._

_Annoying._

_So fucking annoying._

~~_It’s_ ~~ _not_ ~~_true_ _._ ~~

~~_It is_ ~~ _not._

~~_It’s_ ~~ _not_ ~~_true._ ~~

“You should stay away from our captains, Kageyama” Kindaichi sneers, and his teammates don’t move to stop him from saying anything worse, which proves the fact that maybe he was ~~_Pity-party. Annoying. So fucking annoying_~~ believed to be some sort of pretentious act.

“They’re happy without you,” he continues, “You should go”

Tobio feels his heart break little by little, and he tries not to collapse altogether.

He felt void. 

Numb. 

_gone._

-because, his soulmates’ teammates were family. 

The closest people they had aside from their parents and siblings. 

They knew what they were talking about, hence, what they were saying was most likely true.

He didn’t raise his voice to parry the comments or the words, and he felt himself slipping, believing every phrase and sentence uttered by his ex-teammate.

“I mean,” Kunimi starts to say, “yeah, are you sure you’re not trying to deceive Oikawa and Iwaizumi-senpai, Kageyama?”

“I- _no-_ ”

“Why ask him?” Kindaichi laughs, “He’s going to deny it, and deny it and deny it, but just wait, they’ll leave him soon, they probably never loved him to start with”

Then there’s a thud, a door closing distantly, and Kindaichi’s mouth shuts.

“Tobio-chan~” Oikawa says sweetly, emerging from the hallway, clad in his volleyball uniform, running to his soulmate and giving him a big kiss. 

**_“Tobio-chan~” He hears a familiar voice._ **

**_He freezes._ **

**_Because it wasn’t the sweet tone Oikawa used with him recently._ **

**_It was a mocking tone that screamed at him to run._ **

Oikawa doesn’t notice that Kageyama had failed to kiss back, frozen- _paralyzed-_ in place with fear.

He sees Iwaizumi walking towards him, a smile on his face.

**_He looks up and sees his two soulmates scowling down at him in disappointment._ **

“We’re done changing,” Iwaizumi sighs, shouldering his bag.

**_“We’re done, Tobio,” Iwaizumi says, his arms crossed._ **

Kageyama feels Iwaizumi’s chapped lips against his cheek before the vice captain pulls away.

He smiles a small, practiced smile.

**_“Wait!” he sobs. “You said you wouldn’t, you promised-”_ **

_“Tobio-chan~”_ Oikawa coos, cupping his cheeks in an adorable manner. “So cute!’

“Oi shittykawa, let’s go”

“Coming, coming”

**_“You’re a waste of our time, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa sing-songs. “We only came to you because it was a good opportunity to use you”_ **

“Bye, Tobio,” Oikawa whispers, pecking him one last time on the lips before heading to his team.

**_“Against that chibi-chan, ofcourse,” Oikawa laughs. “Because face it, King, you’re not worth anyone’s time”_ **

“Bye, King,” Kindaichi snickers, and their eyes lock momentarily.

He could practically hear the underlined words.

_Leave. They don’t love you._

**_“No,” he says, his voice small, trying hard to barricade the hundreds and thousands of thoughts creeping up at him, whispering tauntingly to his ear._ **

**_“No”_ **

Oikawa waves, “Goodbye, Tobio-chan~” 

**_Oikawa waves, “Goodbye, Tobio-chan~”_ **

Iwaizumi smiles sweetly at him, and he smiles back, albeit weak.

He’s frozen to his spot, and could only watch as the door closed.

**_“WAIT!”_ **

The mug drops and shatters on the floor.

_I'm sorry Hajime._

_For ruining your carpet._

Tobio drops and he feels himself shatter completely.


	17. Toshi-nii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama shrieks with laughter, skipping alongside the ace.   
> “Onii-chan, you romantic sap!,” he laughs, grinning widely, “You’re so in love with Tendou-senpai!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D  
> I gave you guys too much angst,, so here's some older brother Wakatoshi:)

Wakatoshi finds the setter seated on the entrance steps of the house of Iwaizumi, his back resting against the door, eyes closed and head tilted back.

“You’re going to catch a cold” He sighs and Kageyama’s eyes snap open, before he visibly relaxes at the familiar figure.

“Nii-chan,” he hums, a thread of amusement laced in his voice. “I’m going to be fine”

Though he shivers as the cold wind passes through the streets, ruffling his hair slightly. It’s understandable. After all, he was wearing only a thin white shirt and faded jeans, which wasn’t an acceptable attire for the beginning of winter.

_ ‘Thank god it isn’t snowing yet’  _ he thinks as he gets up and brushes the gravel and dirt off of his jeans.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll head inside and steal one of Hajime’s many sweaters,” he clicks his tongue, disappearing into the house before emerging with a fairly thick sweater, colored a light beige and a white scarf tucked around his neck.

Ushijima nods in satisfaction before they begin their trip to the cafe.

As they’re walking, Kageyama slips his hands into his pockets and sighs.

“I’m sorry for calling, Ushijima-san” He says, his voice quiet but it somehow makes its way through the cold, brittle air as they walk in sync. “I must have interrupted something”

“I was not doing anything, Tobio” The ace says, “don’t apologize for calling”.

The younger had called while Ushijima was peering at the english instructions to a hot-cake mix, babbling, sobbing, and crying in a shaking voice.

Ushijima was only able to catch snippets of the words uttered-  _ Oikawa-san, Hajime, Kindaichi, Seijoh, leave, love, annoying-  _ before rushing out the door, pausing only to grab his coat. 

Tendou wasn’t able to come because of a family lunch, but Ushijima came nonetheless.

Only after they’d wandered into the cafe, bought a vanilla latte with extra milk and hot chocolate for the captain did he ask.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ushijima asks carefully as they’re seated on one of the benches of a nearby park. He’s aware that he’s treading on broken glass, and he’s never been one too good at comforting.

There’s a shriek of laughter, and a shout of annoyance follows pursuit.

Kageyama stares as the little boy kicks the soccer ball into the makeshift goal.

“Tooru’s teammates are family to both him and Hajime,” he says slowly, his eyes never leaving the group of laughing kids as they play soccer. 

“They are the closest to family for them so whatever they say about my soulmates is a hundred percent true, because they know them the best”

Ushijima feels an ounce of dread. 

“Did they say something?” He asks, and Kageyama finds himself nodding and suddenly, he isn’t watching the playful children anymore.

It isn’t the loud cheers and bubbles laughter that he hears.

It’s Kindaichi’s voice.

  
  


_ “-I mean, for all you know, he could be playing some sort of pity-party for them to be able to leach out Seijoh’s secrets and beat us” _

_ “Kindaichi”  _

_ “What?,” Kindaichi looks around incredulously. _

_ “Don’t tell me you seriously think our captains genuinely like this guy, I mean, how many times has Oikawa-san complained about him? ‘Oh gosh, Iwa-chan, Tobio-chan is just- ugh! He’s so fucking annoying and always asks me to teach him his serve, like I would ever’”  _

Kageyama chooses his next words carefully, aware of how angry the ace could get.

“Seijoh came by today,” he says, “to pick Tooru and Hajime up for morning practice”

His hands fiddle with the half empty coffee cup. “I guess I came in at the wrong time”

Ushijima’s silent, but Kageyama doesn’t move to explain.

There’s a pause of silence.

“Did I tell you about my surprise for Satori?” Ushijima suddenly asks. He knows he isn’t good at advice, so distraction is the only thing he could do now, and Kageyama appreciates it.

“No?” He says, offering the ace a smile. 

Ushijima feels relief that he’s able to distract the younger boy before he launches into his half-complete plans to-

“-buy Satori and I matching rings,” he says, his cheeks burning red as Kageyama’s eyes widen comically, and a disbelieving  _ “What? Holy shit-”  _ is uttered.

“I-i’m not proposing,” he stammers quickly, “I watched this anime of two figure skaters, and they bought each other matching gold rings for luck and-”

Kageyama shrieks with laughter, skipping alongside the ace. 

“Onii-chan, you romantic  _ sap!,”  _ he laughs, grinning widely, “You’re so  _ in love  _ with Tendou-senpai!”

Ushijima’s entire face resembled a tomato.

“Will you help me-”

_ “Of Course  _ I’ll help you!” Kageyama throws his arms out, waving them in disbelief. “What kind of baby brother would I be?!”

“No, first, we’ll have to look for a shop-  _ oh,  _ I remember seeing a jewelry shop around here- and Tendou-senpai’s fingers must be a bit thinner than yours, onii-chan, and the  _ ring,  _ what will the ring look like?  _ Gold?  _ Silver. Or, what about those with studded jewels-  _ no too fancy.  _ Hm- oh! I know! what about just plain gold- like the one you saw- Yuuri Katsuki and Victor Nikiforov get plain gold rings that they wear during performances I think- you can both wear them during matches-” Kageyama giggles, and Ushijma’s nodding along to the plan, most of what Tobio was rambling about already thought over.

They stop by the store, seeing that there was time before Ushijma had to be home, and they pick out the best plain, _ gold,  _ rings they could find.

“For your wife, mister?” the saleslady asks, a smirk on her face as Kageyama wanders about looking for the  _ best  _ gold rings for his onii-chans.

“Uh,” Ushijima hesitates, “No, it’s for my boyfriend, it’s more of a good luck charm”

He’s slightly afraid of the reaction when the lady’s eyes widen in momentary shock, and her jaw drops in surprise before she squeals in excitement.

“Oh my goodness! That is  _ so  _ cute! Oh, we  _ definitely  _ have to find you the perfect ring” 

Ushijima finds himself trying one at least a thousand gold rings (just around 24), under Kageyama’s scrutiny and criticizing-  _ “No, too gold-” “No, too thin-” “It’s too wide-” “OH! Perfect-  _ and by the end of their visit, they had purchased two of the best looking gold rings they had found.

“Good luck, mister!” the lady waves, and they smile and wave back, shouting their thanks as they walk away.

They walk down the path to Ushijima’s house, Tobio laughing, and shouting and skipping all the way there.

“You can give it to him in the middle of a match-” he cuts himself off. “No. You’re too much of a romantic guy to be able to to  _ just  _ that, unless you’re both competing in the olympics and every camera is trained on both of you-”

Wakatoshi smiles fondly as the blue-eyed boy enthusiastically went on about midnight dates and the perfect flowers before they arrive at the Ushijima residence.

“Thanks for coming today, nii-chan” Tobio grins, “It really helped”

“I’m glad,” Ushijima says, smiling slightly. “Are you sure you don’t want me to walk with you back to your apartment?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Kageyama brushes it off, “Besides, I was evicted two days ago, I’ll be staying in the gym at school, I-”

His mouth clamps shut when he realizes what he just said.

The ace’s eyes are widened in shock. He scrambles to think of an excuse.

“W-what I meant was.. I-i meant I was-”

“Tobio,” Ushijima looks at Tobio exasperatedly, and the setter avoids his gaze. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Tobio rubs his arm, looking away.

“I’d just become a bother to you, Ushijima-san-”

“Onii-chan, and no” Ushijima cuts in, and Kageyema turns to him in confusion.

“What?”

The ace sighed. “Stop calling me Ushijima-san, Tobio,” he says, “We’re brothers right? So call me nii-chan or Wakatoshi”

Tobio flushes bright red.

“-and no,” Wakatoshi continues, “You won’t  _ ever  _ become a bother, Tobio-nii, you can stay at my house until you find an apartment”

“Nii-chan-” Kageyama blurts out, and he doesn’t realize he’s shaking until Ushijima brings him in for another hug.

He doesn’t stop thanking him until Ushijima threatens to pour all his milk down the sink.

“No don’t do that Toshi-nii,” He whines, and the ace’s ears turn red before inquiring about the nickname.

“Wakatoshi seems too formal and it’s too long to say,” Kageyama says in an  _ a-matter-of-fact  _ manner as he gulps down his ninth cup of milk. “So I’ve decided to call you Toshi-nii!”

He laughs in glee and continues to tease Ushijima about  _ “You know, despite your creepy looks-” “creepy?” “-you’re actually a sweet and romantic guy, and a very nice kind brother” “can we go back to the part where you called my looks creepy?” “Why, does that offend you, Toshi-nii?” “I- no, I mean-” “because I’m sure Satori-nii would not hesitate to differ” _

Satori-nii and Toshi-nii had already seen him at his worst.

They wouldn’t leave. 

_ oh god.  _ He hoped not.

He receives a text later on that night.

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Tobio-chan~ let’s have a practice match! We miss you:D _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeee**

_ Is that how you greet your soulmate, shittykawa?  _

**Pretty Setter~** **  
** _ Gomen, Tobio-chan, I meant- _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Our dear Tobio-chan, we missed you dearly! How was your day? We had a rather grand day ourselves, we had practiced until we were drained of energy and- oh my, Iwa-chan had just noticed that his favorite sweater was gone.  _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeee**

_ Shittykawa where’s my sweater? _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ how tf am i supposed to know? _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ gomen Hajime, I borrowed it today _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ It was cold outside  _

**Aceeeeeeeeeeee**

_ It’s ok Tobio, in fact, you could keep it _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Oh no, it’s ok, I’ll return it when I see you _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ So about that practice match- _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Could you ask your coach? _

Kageyama pauses. 

Maybe. A practice match was a good idea, but he didn’t really want to have to see Kindaichi and Kunimi so soon, but he also wanted to see his soulmates.

“Toshi-nii,” he asks, and Ushijima hums from his desk to indicate he was listening. “Tooru wants to invite Karasuno to a practice match”

The ace looked up from his calculus homework. He was aware of what had happened that morning and knew Tobio wouldn’t want to see Sleepy-chan and Turnip-head so soon. “Well, do you want to?”

Tobio shrugs helplessly. “I want to go, but I also don’t want to see them” 

“Are they insisting?” Ushijima asks and Tobio looks down at the flurry of messages.

**Pretty Setter~**

_ We haven’t seen each other in so long, Tobio-chan! _

**Aceeeeeeeeee**

_ Trashykawa, we saw him this morning _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Iwa-chan shut up and make me look cool just this once _

**Aceeeeeeeeee**

_ Shittykawa _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Okok, i’m sorry _

Kageyama blinks. 

“Uh,..” he stares at the phone before looking up. “Yeah?”

Wakatoshi puts his pencil down. 

“Why don’t you go?” He says, and Tobio opens his mouth to protest but Ushijima says something else. “You could keep your distance from the rest of Sejoh”

Kageyama’s eyes light up.

“Thank you, Toshi-nii!” 

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Yes, I’ll be sure to tell them _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Great:) We’ll see you on Monday then! _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ ok _

**Aceeeeeeeeee**

_ See you soon Tobio _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Okay. We’ll see you then! _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Tobio come to Hajime’s house tomorrow! _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Sorry Oikawa-san, I’m staying at my friends house tomorrow _

**Aceeeeeeeee**

_ Who? _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Tobio-chan:( _

**Aceeeeeeeee**

_ Who? _

**Pretty Setter~** **  
** _ You choose your friend over me DDD: _

Kageyama could feel the jealousy radiating from that one text, and he smiles.

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Don’t worry, Tooru, it’s just a friend _

**Pretty Setter~** **  
** _ But you don’t know that! They- wait.. _

**Aceeeeeeeee**

_ Oh no. Tobio why? _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Oh shoot. I forgot. Sorry, Hajime _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ NOW WAIT JUST A SECOND HERE- _

**Tobio-chan:D**

_ Bye. _

**Aceeeeeeee**

_ I’m leaving. _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ HE- YOU- HE CALLED ME TOORU- _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ No- don’t leave DDDD: _

**Pretty Setter~**

_ Hello? _


	18. Replaceable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you..” Ukai trails off as cheers erupt on Seijoh’s side. “Are you angry at Sugawara-kun?”
> 
> Kageyama gets up, seeing that the game had ended.  
> He shakes his head. 
> 
> “No,” He says, “Just confused”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a short chapter compared to the others! I’m so sorry, I have so much homework to do:(  
> But fret not! I’m still going to continue updating.

Kageyama should have known.

Kageyama  _ really  _ should have known. 

That this whole training camp was a set up. 

A lure for a trap Kindaichi and the rest of Seijoh (aside from the captains) had prepared  _ just for him.  _

“Oh,” Kindaichi wears an expression of mock surprise. “You didn’t know, did you?”

Kageyama clenched his fists.

He could feel the burning gazes of his teammates at the back of his head. 

They weren’t supposed to find out like this.

Kindaichi laughs. 

“Well, good luck! We’ll see you at court, Karasuno” He sends Kageyeama a smug smile before walking away.

“I-” he starts, spinning around to find various expressions of shock and anger on his teammates faces. “I can explain-”

“We have a match to play, boys” Ukai interrupts, herding the team into the gym. “Let’s talk about this later”.

-but they  _ can’t  _ talk about it later.

Not when Hinata couldn’t spike his tosses properly. 

Not when Hinata’s trust in him wasn’t fully 100% anymore.

Not when the whistle blew and Sugawara was holding up his number.

Sugawara didn’t so much as glance at him as he stepped onto the court.

His heart fell.

Did being soulmates with Tooru and Hajime really make this much difference?

He ignored the worried looks his soulmates sent him from across the court, or the concerned gazes of Takeda and Ukai as he sat down on the bench.

The whistle blew and they started to play. 

He wasn’t angry that he was being subbed out,  _ no.  _

He was confused, because weren't families meant to understand? 

_ Weren’t they a family? _

He watched Asahi spike through the block and heard his team cheer.

He felt smaller than ever.

He knew he was awkward, that he didn’t have that many friends, that he never smiled unless he meant to. He had known he was an outcast, different from everyone else in the team, but weren’t they all?

With Hinata’s freak reflexes, his never ending stamina- something that the team needed in matches against powerhouses such as Shiratorizawa.

Suga-san’s calm demeanor, his motherly instincts and the trust bond he had with every player on the team- something they needed when things got too intense.

Daichi’s ability to settle arguments, his role as captain, and his avid receiving skills. Something the team needed when the pressure got too much and fights broke out between them.

Noya-san’s aura. His confident,  _ i’ve-got-your-back  _ aura that the team needed when they felt that the match was beyond them. Not to mention his skills as a libero.

Tanaka’s crazy but supporting self. Something they needed along with his crazy spikes when the team got too stiff.

Yamaguchi’s pinch serves, to change the flow of the game.

Tsukkishima’s (yes, even him) snarky comments never failed to put the team back in their place, to make them loosen up and believe they could win. His blocking skills helped a ton too.

Everyone else belonged, like pieces to a puzzle that took time to solve but stuck together all the same.

_ Kageyama? _

What did  _ he  _ have?

He was good at setting, but that could be easily replaced by Suga. 

His serves had scored aces but that could be replaced by Asahi’s serves too. 

His quick attack with Hinata? The setter just had to be fast enough to adjust to the small middle blocker.

He was  _ replaceable.  _

“Kageyama,” Ukai says, and the setter turns to him. 

“You have to settle whatever had happened with the team” 

Kageyama knew it was going to be impossible to settle..  _ this.  _

Seeing the way the team didn’t respond to his actions on the court the minute they played was enough a sign.

“Hai,” he says despite himself.

Ukai sighs. “I don’t want to be the one to say this,” he says, “but they don’t trust you right now”

Kageyama blinked. 

“They never had that much trust to begin with” he blurted before he could stop himself.

“Kageyama,” The look Ukai wore confused the setter. “That’s not true”

Tobio watches as Oikawa tossed to Iwaizumi. 

“It is, though Hinata had his full trust placed on me, that could easily be replaced by a fast enough setter,” he says, “My place in the team wasn’t needed, Suga-san would have been an even better setter”

“Are you..” Ukai trails off as cheers erupt on Seijoh’s side. “Are you angry at Sugawara-kun?”

Kageyama gets up, seeing that the game had ended.

He shakes his head. 

“No,” He says, “Just confused”

”I don’t understand why you picked me over him,” Kageyama continues. “You knew my history with my past teams, you’ve seen me play dictator one too many times and yet you insist I be the starting setter”

Still. 

He was frustrated.  _ At Kindaichi. _

It wasn’t his place to say.

He wasn’t comfortable with announcing it to the team, and yet Kindaichi took it upon himself to do exactly that.

“-and if you had picked me purely because I was the better setter (which he was not, he thinks), and you believe that the team had trusted me all this time,” he says, but he doesn’t intend his voice to come out as sharp as it did. “,then why does that fact that my soulmates are the captains of a rivaling team make any difference to the way I play on the court?”

He turned away before the coach could say anything.

After all, the game was finished and Aoba Johsai had won.

It was in the locker rooms as Kageyama had finished changing and was almost done packing his stuff that his soulmates finally showed up.

“Tobio-chan?” Hands rest on his hips and a breath is puffed too close to his cheek. 

Kageyama zipped his bag up, turning around to give Oikawa a kiss.

“Hello” he says quietly. 

They could tell he’s tense-  _ too  _ tense- so Iwaizumi wraps his arms around him from behind, and Tobio rests his head on the captain’s shoulder tiredly.

“What happened?” Iwaizumi asks, and Kageyama finds it hard to lie.

“Nothing,” Tobio tries, opting to find the quickest and easiest way out of this conversation. Tooru and Hajime are quick to evade.

“Tobio,” Tooru sighs, and the crow shuts his eyes closed against Oikawa’s shoulder.

_ Kindaichi outed me, announcing to my team that we’re in a relationship. All three of us. I wasn’t ready. I’m not ready. The team subbed me out because Hinata didn’t trust my tosses anymore. I found out how easily I could be replaced. _

Tobio’s breaths are shallow.

_ Am I easily replaceable for you, too? _

“Hinata and I got into a fight,” he says quietly, trying to make the lie seem believable. 

Well, a half lie. 

He just didn’t mention the fact that the entire team now hated him and that he probably would never be able to play at Karasuno anymore.

Tooru runs a hand through Kageyama’s hair and the setter sighs contentedly. 

“Are you okay?”

He nods. 

“I’m fine,” the lie slips through his teeth easily. 

Kageyama could sense Tooru’s unease in his answer so he looks up at those chocolate brown eyes and smiles.

“I’m fine, Tooru” he laughs (god, he’s getting  _ better  _ at this), and feels relief flood his chest when he sees Tooru smile too.

“If you say so,” Oikawa smiles, leaning down to kiss the younger. “I’m glad you guys accepted the invite” he says against Tobio’s lips.

Kageyama decides to lie again.

“Me too”


	19. anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had started to snow.
> 
> His birthday was nearing.  
> He looks up at the white clouds and closes his eyes. 
> 
> ‘I wish I could disappear and forget’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter that I decided to add because Tobio’s birthday was nearing.
> 
> Also,, now that Hinata isn't by his side (Yes I know, I'm so sorry), Tobio needs some friends.
> 
> Also, I am horrible at geography and shit. If it doesn't snow in either Miyagi or Tokyo, it does in this story.

It had started to snow, and without his soulmates a touch away, Tobio was starting to feel alone.

Practice wasn’t any good either.

The team still didn’t trust him, but he liked to believe it was getting better. He even lied through text telling Iwaizumi and Oikawa that they had made up and that Hinata was hitting his tosses perfectly fine.

_ “That’s good, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa says through the call. Kageyama could hear relief tinged in his voice. “I look forward to digging you Freak Quick into the ground” _

At least the third years were trying to keep their distaste under the wraps. The first years and second years didn’t hesitate to remind him that they didn’t want him around.

_ Hinata runs into the gym excitedly.  _

_ “Sugawara-san! Toss for me!” _

_ The grey haired setter smiles and complies, the red-head drags him along to the court. _

Of course, the managers were kind to him. Shimizu had already known, spotting he and his soulmates sneaking out of the training camp.

_ “It’s cool” Shimizu says, noticing the panicked look on Kageyama’s face. “I didn’t tell anyone except Yachi, and she seems to agree with me, right?” _

_ Yachi nods, smiling and giving Tobio a thumbs up.  _

_ “I think you guys are really cute together!” _

_ The setter turns red.  _

They soon grew to be Kageyama’s only friends in Karasuno, aside from Yamaguchi ofcourse, who had found him sobbing quietly, bent over a sink after practice, his quiet hiccups drowned out by the running water.

_ “Why?” Kageyama asks as they make their way out of the gym. “Why are you-” _

_ “Because it isn’t fair” Yamaguchi interrupts, and Kageyama’s bewildered. _

_ Isn’t..fair? _

_ “You’re entitled to love whomever you want to love despite the where’s the when’s and the how’s” Tadashi explains. “Especially the who’s. That’s not supposed to matter as long as you love them and they make you happy” _

_ Kageyama stares at a passing bird. _

_ “Thank you,” he says, turning slightly to bow. “For understanding” _

_ Tadashi grins. “That’s what family is for” _

Kageyama had slowly begun to trust them, and at one point invited them over for the Sundays with his brothers. 

_ “He’s so tall” Yachi cowers behind her soulmate, who was staring Ushijima straight in the eye. _

_ “These are your brothers?!” Yamaguchi squeaked from behind Kageyama. “What the fuck?” _

_ Tendou coos. “So these are your friends, Tobio-kun?”  _

_ Kageyama nods. _

_ “Yamaguchi, Shimizu, Yachi,” he begins, “These, are my brothers; Toshi-nii and Satori-nii” _

_ He turns to his brothers. “Toshi-nii, Satori-nii,” he continues, “these are my friends, Yamaguchi, Shimizu and Yachi” _

_ Ushijima bows slightly. _

_ “Hello” _

_ Yachi squeaked in terror and dove under a table. _

_ Shimizu bows. “Hello” _

-but even if Kageyama had grown to have friends, friends that he trusted a lot (but not that much to be able to confide in them about his deeper fears), and brothers that reminded him regularly that they were there for him.. there were still times where he’d sleep to the whispers that grew into insecurities and jolt awake from the sound of Oikawa’s mocking voice. 

_ He shot up, awake. _

_ He was breathing heavily, the room too cold but he was sweating anyway. _

_ It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. _

_It felt so real._

_ He sobs helplessly into his knees.  _

_ Why couldn’t they disappear?  _

-and times where he’d fall and slip back in his well of darkness, clouded by the words and whispers that told criticized his every move. 

Today was one of those days.

His chest and thighs drew a sharp pain as the cold wind hit him once he stepped out of Ushijima’s house.

He was wearing Iwaizumi’s favorite sweater (which he had failed to return), one of Ushijima’s oversized coats, and his white scarf tucked snuggly around his neck.

He felt something drop on his nose and he looked up.

It had started to snow.

His birthday was nearing. 

He looks up at the white clouds and closes his eyes. 

_ ‘I wish I could disappear and forget’ _ he thinks.  _ ‘It would make everything so much easier’ _

He wandered around Miyagi, the light snow that had gathered on the sidewalks crunching under his feet as he made his way around.

He didn’t know where he was going, and he didn’t really mind. 

He had his phone tucked in his pocket in case he got lost.

_ Not that anyone would notice.  _

He unconsciously runs a thumb over the wound on his wrist.

He hadn’t meant to cut there. That was one of his rules.

_ If he wanted to hide something, do it somewhere no one would care to look at if they were actually looking. _

He was only tracing the edge of the blade on the white of his skin when it cut a little too deep.

There were plenty of excuses he could use if noticed.

_ Not that anyone would notice.  _

He sighs, blinking the snowflakes from his lashes.

_ Yeah.  _ He agrees with the voice that whispered into his ear.  _ Not that anyone would notice.  _

Kageyama held out a hand and watched as the delicate white melted on the palm of his hand.

To anyone watching, it was an adorable sight. His nose and the tip of his ears peeking out from his comfortable scarf, tinged red from the coolness of the weather. His eyes crinkled as he watched the snowflake melt. His hands cupped up eye-level, before he sneezes with a soft  _ ‘a-chOo!’.  _

_ “Tobio?” _

He swivels around, pulling the cuff of the coat down from his wrist.

It’s Oikawa and Iwaizumi, hands linked as they approached him, their volleyball uniforms peeking out from under their jackets and coats.

“Tooru?”

Turns out someone was watching.


	20. arcade date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look!” Oikawa shrieks in excitement, shaking Tobio’s shoulders (he was starting to feel nauseous). The brown eyed setter was pointing at a small alien plushie that sat on the corner of the claw machine. “We have to get that one, Iwa-chan!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drops a bundle of papers* here you go. Enjoy! It's only one chapter, I'm sorry:(

Kageyama had somehow ended up in a diner, munching quietly on the pizza on his plate, listening to his two soulmates bicker back and forth childishly. Well, Tooru was more the child. Hajime was mature enough to be known by his age. He didn’t know how he got there or when, but it was getting pretty dark, so maybe around 6? He was probably dragged here by Oikawa just after they had spotted him watching a snowflake melt in his hand.

_ “You’re cute, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa states, pinching the younger’s cheeks. Iwaizumi swats the captain’s hands away, who in turn protests.  _

_ “Ow! Iwa-chan” Tooru pouts. “But seriously! His nose is so red, it’s so cute!” _

“Did you come from practice?” Tobio asks, cutting between the growing argument. He looks away from the window to look at his soulmates.

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi says, sending Oikawa a look. “We came from practice”

Tooru sighed.   
“I stayed back to practice my serve and lost track of time” he says, looking down at his pizza. “Iwaizumi hit me on the back of the head”

_ ‘So that’s why they’re returning late’.  _ Kageyama thinks as he bites into his pizza.  _ ‘But Hinata and I have stayed even later than this’ _

Which wasn’t something Kageyama would bring up willingly. He knew how Hajime got when Tooru overworked himself, so he’d rather not worry the ace. Though he and Hinata had stayed up to practice until 1 in the morning once.

“What were you working on, Oikawa-san?” He asks, purely out of interest because, wasn’t his soulmate one of the best in the prefecture (aside from Toshi-nii ofcourse)? There wasn’t anything to further improve, he was already at his best.

Tooru mumbles something, looking away and he asks him to repeat it.   
“My serve,” The captain repeats. “I was working on my serve”

Kageyama blinked. “I see”

_ His serve? _

His serve was one of the hardest to receive, it was what the setter was known for. Why would there be any need to improve?   
Though Kageyama knew what he meant. He had been caught staying up late once, by Inarizaki’s setter during the All-Japan Youth Training Camp.

_ “Why though?,” Atsumu asks, leaning on the metal of the net stands. “You’re serve is easily one of the best in your team” _

_ Kageyama spun the ball. There was still so much to improve. _ _   
_ _ He could be better. He could add a float-serve to his technique, he could be able to change the course of the ball in the last second just like Oikawa-san. He could- _

_ “-improve” He says, “I could still improve” _

_ Atsumu sighs. “Don’t stay up this late trying to improve, Tobio-kun” _ _   
_ _ “It’s not good if you’ve improved but your health is completely gone” _

Oikawa probably thought he could improve too.   
Just like him.

“Don’t overwork yourself, Oikawa-san,” he says, his voice slightly muffled because of the food in his mouth. “It’s not healthy, and you’ll make Hajime worry about you”

Iwaizumi scoffed, but they both knew he worried for the captain. A lot.

“Of course not, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa smiles. “I’ll be sure not to”

Tobio peered at him. “You promise?”

Oikawa held a hand to his heart. “I promise not to overwork myself so that Iwa-chan will not worry about me anymore-  _ ack” _

Iwaizumi had hit the back of Tooru’s head. “I don’t worry about you, shittykawa”

“But you do!” Oikawa cried out in defense, “you do, right?”

Hajime looked away, red tinting his ears slightly “Of course I do, idiot”

“Oh, Iwa-chan! So  _ sweet!” _

Iwaizumi swats Oikawa’s arms away, now turning to Kageyama.   
“What about you, Tobio?” He asks, and Kageyama goes rigid. He hated lying to his soulmates.   
“You don’t practice late, right? There’s no reason I should barge into your gym and drag you out?”

_ Please don’t. _

“No,” Kageyama laughs slightly. “I don’t stay to practice late, I have to sleep”

Oikawa laughs “Of course Tobio-chan would prefer to sleep”

“At least he  _ sleeps,  _ trashykawa”

Iwaizumi frowns. “I better not catch you practicing late, Tobio” 

Tobio laughs again. “You won’t”

He wasn’t possibly going to get caught practicing late seeing that they went to different schools.

Which was happening quite often now.   
Ever since the practice match, he’d overworked himself to exhaustion.

His grades were getting better, seeing that he studied late into the night to be able to use every hour of practice to that last minute.

His serves were getting more precise. It stopped exactly where he wanted it to stop and landed where he planned it to. His tosses were faster, easier and broader for the spiker to use.

The toss that stopped (practiced specially for the small middle blocker) wasn’t a 1 in 5 chance anymore. It was consistent and useful from any place in the court.

Soon, he wasn’t going to be as replaceable anymore.

_ “Are you..” Ukai trails off as cheers erupt on Seijoh’s side. “Are you angry at Sugawara-kun?” _

_ Kageyama gets up, seeing that the game had ended. _ _   
_ _ He shakes his head.  _

_ “No,” He says, “Just confused” _

He looks away and out the window at the reminder of the practice match.

Tooru stared at the blue-eyed setter.   
_ ‘It takes one to know one, Tobio-chan’ _

He knew that volleyball was too important for Tobio to be replaced by sleep. He could be practicing in favour of wasting his time laying on his bed. But why lie? And just how late did he practice?

Staying late to practice was normal for almost every dedicated volleyball player.   
He must be staying late for it to be bad enough to hide.

He shakes his head, deciding to talk to Hajime about it later.

“Let’s go to the arcade,” He suggests once they exit the diner, pointing down the street. “It’s new, but a lot of people are talking about it”

Kageyama checked the time.   
He was supposed to be at Ushijima’s by now, but maybe a few more hours wouldn’t hurt. He sends the ace a text before following his soulmates into the arcade.   
The music is fairly loud, the chattering of the high-schoolers and children only increasing the noise further. It made Kageyama slightly uncomfortable, but once Tooru had slipped his arm around his, it wasn’t so much of a bother anymore.

They wander around a bit, and Tobio finds himself winning at a fair line of games until-

“Look!” Oikawa shrieks in excitement, shaking Tobio’s shoulders (he was starting to feel nauseous). The brown eyed setter was pointing at a small alien plushie that sat on the corner of the claw machine. “We have to get that one, Iwa-chan!”

“We’re almost out of coins” Iwaizumi holds out the three last coins in his palm. “You sure you want to spend it here?”

_ “Of course!”  _ The brunette exclaims, “Come on, one coin for each of us, remember- it’s the-“

_ “Alien”  _ Tobio and Hajime repeat exasperatedly. “We  _ know” _

They take turns trying to catch the plushie.

Tooru goes first.

His tongue is stuck out in concentration, and Kageyama finds himself staring at the pretty setter.   
_ It’s cute. _

He jumps in surprise when Oikawa suddenly slams his hand on the glass and cries out dramatically.

“Iwa-chan, you’re turn!”

The ace didn’t even try. He wasn’t even close to the plushie. Though he caught a small dinosaur plushie that resembled  _ Godzilla  _ in a small way.

“Iwa-chan..” Oikawa pouted, “You betrayed me”

Hajime shrugs, jabbing a thumb in Kageyama’s direction.   
“He’s still got a chance to get that alien for you”

Tobio glares at the ace.

“Oh sure,” he snaps, stepping forward and dropping the coin in the slot. “No pressure”

He has half a mind to grab the milkshake plushie in the corner, the claw already heading for it when he remembers how much Oikawa loved aliens.

_ ‘Oh right,’  _ He thinks as the claw changes its course, now headed for the small alien stuffed toy.  _ ‘He loves aliens’ _

He doesn’t notice Oikawa staring behind him in anticipation as the claw drops.   
Their (all three of them) hearts jump and when the claw comes back up with the alien, Oikawa yells an  _ ‘I love you!’,  _ squashing the crow in a hug.

_ “I can’t breathe-“  _ Tobio rasps out, the alien plushie in his hand.  _ “Oikawa-san-" _ _   
_ Tooru doesn’t stop babbling on and on about it until they have separated ways.

“Bye, Tobio” Tooru leans and presses a kiss on the setter’s lips. “Thanks for the plushie!”

Iwaizumi does the same, though he holds the kiss until Oikawa clears his throat.   
Kageyama smiles.

“See you,” Iwaizumi waves. “Remember to walk straight home!”

Tobio laughs, making a comment on how he understood why Iwaizumi was the team mom, before making his way down the road.

Tooru brings up the subject as they’re walking in sync to their houses.

“Iwa-chan,” He says as he bumps their shoulders affectionately, and the ace hums to tell him he’s listening. “Tobio lied”

“Lied?” Iwaizumi looked at him. “About what?”

“Overworking himself,” Tooru says.

The ace stops walking. “How do you know?”

Tooru sighs. “It takes one to know one, Hajime, and he’s not going to tell us willingly”

Iwaizumi blinked. “You mean you want us to actually barge into the gym and drag him out?”

_ “No” _

_ “….but maybe” _

__ They both cared for the blue-eyed boy, and they would not hesitate to admit it. The thought of Tobio overworking himself to the extent of-  _ Oikawa shivered.  _

He’d rather not think about it. 

He wanted Tobio to stay as happy as he was, cheerful, smiling, and laughing at their shitty jokes.

Problem was, they didn’t know exactly just  _ how  _ happy Tobio was right now.    
Which was to say; very little.

The arcade was fun, Kageyama decides. He was able to spend time with his soulmates, his lovers, his  _ boyfriends.  _ He was happy.  _ Very  _ happy.

He walked down the road, the air chilly and brisk. It wasn’t snowing anymore, but there were patches of snow all over the roads and sidewalks, which Kageyama made a point to step on and look back at, seeing the imprint of his shoe.

His phone dinged softly, and he fishes it out of his pocket.   
He expects it to be Ushijima, or maybe even one of his soulmates, but it’s a number he hasn’t touched- at least, not in a long time.

**Kindaichi Yuutaro** **  
** _ Still on the act, King?  _

**Kindaichi Yuutaro** **  
** _ Here’s a gift:) _

**Kindaichi Yuutaro** **  
** _ image.pg _

Kageyama hesitates, his thumb hovering on the power off button on his phone.

_ ‘Ignore it, Tobio’  _ he tells himself repeatedly, staring at the link.  _ ‘It will only make you feel worse’  _

_ But don’t you want to know? Don’t you want to hear what he has to say? He is Tooru and Hajime’s teammate. They’re practically family. Open the file, Tobio. _

The moment he does, he regrets it. 

It isn’t supposed to bother him so much, but it does. 

It’s a picture of both Hajime and Tooru, both wearing the KitaDai uniforms, smiling at each other, and it seems that they’re about to kiss. It’s not the fact that they’re about to kiss.

It’s how honestly happy Tooru looked.    
and the wall behind them.    
The color, the wall, the  _ setting _ , it was-

_ “Look, Kageyama,” Iwaizumi sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Tooru and I- we’re fine, we’re happy” _

_ “We’ve been together since kids, and I don’t know what a third person would do to that relationship” _

Kageyama dropped the phone. 

_ Dammit Kindaichi.  _

He knew that the picture was most probably not taken right after he was rejected, but  _ fuck.  _   
Kindaichi knew what hurt him the most. His ex-teammate also knew how to send a crystal message.

_ They were happier before they took pity on you and decided to accept you.  _

-and with the voices that grew louder every second, agreeing, agreeing,  _ agreeing- _

_ Tobio, If it comes between you and Tooru, it’s Tooru I’ll stay beside. _

Kageyama cupped his hands and blew a breath in it to calm himself down.    
He laughed. The laugh soon turned into a hiccuped sob.

_ Of course. It was so obvious. _

He should have known. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NeAHAHAH you thought this was all fluff- wrong.  
> Okay, okay, I’m sorry, don’t kill me.


	21. right after you, is me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His shoes flatten the clear white snow beneath him, and he breathes a huff into the cool air.  
> He exhales slowly, eyes crossing slightly as he watches the mist of his breathe form. 
> 
> It was pretty like this. Clear white snow, melting around the corners of the tracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bonus for being such gr8 readers!!

His shoes flatten the clear white snow beneath him, and he breathes a huff into the cool air. 

  
He exhales slowly, eyes crossing slightly as he watches the mist of his breathe form. 

It was pretty like this. Clear white snow, melting around the corners of the tracks. 

There’s a distant voice. A  _ familiar  _ voice.

“.. _ tobio”  _

Kageyama whips around. It’s his father, staring out at the tracks distantly. 

“Dad!” He shouts, running across the platform, hearing the distant tolls of the incoming train. 

His heart thuds in his chest rapidly. 

_ “Dad-”  _ His hand passes through his father like mist. 

_ What?  _ Kageyama tried to tap his shoulder, but the man,  _ his father,  _ just continued to stare out into the open, like he hadn’t felt a thing.

“Dad,” Kageyama sobs, trying anything, waving, shoving, punching his father to get his attention. His hands pass through like air. “Dad,  _ no”  _

His father doesn’t respond ofcourse, taking a step forward as the train’s tolls are heard more clearly.

“Dad, please  _ listen to me”  _ He sobs harshly, swiping through air. “Dad think about  _ me”  _

-and he knows his father isn’t thinking about him, he’s thinking about  _ her.  _

His wife. Tobio’s mother. 

The woman that left them both behind. His soulmate. 

The woman he loved.

The woman he’d die for.

The woman he  _ did  _ die for.

His hand grazes his father’s cheeks, and he holds it gently, staring at the crinkles on the sides of his father’s eyes, the only sign that his father had laughed once. 

_ “I’m sorry, Tobio,”  _ His father says, and Kageyama rips his hand away like the cheek was scorching flames.

_ “You’re not sorry”  _ Kageyama hisses, all the pent up anger he felt for his father seeping out of his words- the way he kicked his heel into the snow. “You’re not  _ fucking  _ sorry”

The man, ofcourse, doesn’t respond, taking little steps towards the tracks.

The blue-eyed son is frozen in place, and he hears the tolls of the train-  _ music  _ he’s heard  _ oh so many times before.  _

“Dad,” his voice comes out a hoarse whisper, but he’s stuck on his spot. 

He watches his dad’s back as the man stepped on the metal tracks. “Dad,  _ please”  _ he pleads, but it comes out a whisper. 

“Dad”

“Dad”

_ “Papa-” _

His father looks back,  _ straight at him, _ the lights of the inbound train illuminating the blues of his irises- the greys of his hair- and  _ smiles.  _

“You could have prevented this, Tobio,” he says, though soft his voice, it echoes through the platform reaching the ears of the one person there. 

“You could have saved me”

The wheels screech, the lights blind him, and he hears a scream.

_ It’s his own voice. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, okay? I just- it’s just, Kageyama’s really sad. 


	22. selfishly mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mine, mine, mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so i loved all the suggestions,, so i tried piling them all together..i feel so guilty that i havent updated in so long.. i have so much homework:(

According to the romantic movies that he had watched, finding your soul-mate was the best feeling in the world. You would feel an indescribable feeling bubble up in your chest, but you know that you feel very,  _ very  _ happy. At that moment, you would feel like you could do anything at all. You felt like flying, jumping, dancing around. Your soul-mate would hold your hand, maybe kiss you on the cheek or on your lips, and give you a big,  _ big  _ hug- and you would feel  _ safe.  _

**_Hajime and Tooru,_ **

When Tobio had met his soulmates, he felt none of those.

He didn’t feel that indescribable feeling bubble up in his chest. He didn’t feel happiness overcome his senses and flood out every other emotion. At that moment, he did not feel like he could do anything in the world. He had felt small, tiny,  _ alone.  _

**_All of my life, I had grown up to know that everyone that I had held close to my heart would sooner or later leave._ **

His soul-mate did not hold his hand. Or peck him on the cheek. 

His  _ soul-mates  _ did none of those.   
  
**_But you weren’t there to begin with, were you?_ **

Instead,  _ Oikawa Tooru  _ had surged forward, pulled his hand back and reached out to hit him.    
Tobio was frozen stiff, his shoes planted to the ground like roots.  _ Iwaizumi Hajime,  _ who rushed to step forward and deflect the incoming hit by grabbing Tooru’s wrist and then proceeding to yell at him.   
  
**_Yes, there were times I’ve tried to forget you both during the nine years of indescribable pain._ **

**_It obviously hadn’t worked,_ **

They made it pretty clear they didn’t want him. 

After that day, Tobio had started to build walls. For two reasons. 

**_and there’s a small part of myself that had wished it had._ **

_ One _ , to block any emotions he had, any little, tiny, string that attached him to his soul-mates. To cut out any emotional connection of any kind. To severe the string of fate. Iwaizumi had asked him to do so, so he complied. He was young then. His chest was later flooded with a heavy emotion he could not describe. He had felt numb, tired and  _ void.  _ He had felt like happiness was something he could never achieve. It was a feeling he had learned to carry all throughout his life.   
  
**_Because if you hadn’t made yourself known in my life, I wouldn’t have fallen for you like the idiot I am._ **

Later on in life, he was to learn that it was normal to feel that way. He would later learn that when a soul-mate was rejected, they’d bear a heart so heavy, others had turned to the point of suicide- and that  _ he  _ would soon veer that path but back then he was so  _ young.  _

**_I wouldn’t have gotten hurt. I would still be complete._ ** **_  
  
_ **

His child-like mind had wandered, wandered, wandered- negative thoughts coming at him all at once. The quiet, dark, and lonely mind was suddenly roaring with noise. Whispers, yells,  _ voices,  _ telling him in sync that-  _ yes. He really wasn’t loveable. He really wasn’t worth anyone’s love, time, and effort. That in the end, there wasn’t going to be anyone else to love him. _

**_There’s a larger part of me that knows I don’t want to forget._ **

He had slowly come to believe that voice.

**_Knows that I love you._ **

_ Two _ , to keep everyone out. That wall was built to keep him safe. He had learnt not to expect so much from people who came his way, and thus, he wasn’t hurt. Kageyama Tobio had grown up to be a good-looking guy that girls would have surrounded if he hadn’t shied away from large social circles.

**_And I do love you. I want to tell everybody that you’re both mine._ **

**_Mine, mine, mine._ **

He had pitch black hair that somehow managed to look so soft (and it feels soft too) to the hands that ran across his raven locks. His eyes were a brilliant blue, just like his father’s- a painful reminder of what he had lost- deep like the ocean’s depths but on other days, as shallow as the river’s surface. He didn’t like to smile, seeing that he seemed so vulnerable and  _ pretty _ , not that being pretty was bad of course, but he didn’t feel comfortable with all the looks he received when he had once smiled at a girl in his class, so he kept his smile under wraps, pretending that he was the type of guy that didn’t know how to smile.

**_I suppose I am selfish._ **

But when he smiled,  _ god,  _ the whole world could stop revolving. It was so rare, precious, and  _ sweet.  _ He had learned to smile like that- eyes crinkling softly on the edges, his lashes fluttering prettily and his brilliant blue peeking out from half-lidded eyes- from  _ various  _ people.   
  
**_For wanting you both for myself._ **

First,  _ his father.  _ He had grown up with his father’s smile, gaining himself an innocent look that managed to work for him as a child. He soon outgrew that smile and came upon another.

**_But isn’t that what lovers are supposed to think?_ **

_ Oikawa Tooru.  _ Now, everyone knows that Tooru was pretty. His popularity had grown from  _ KitaDaii  _ all the way to Seijoh gaining even a fan-club. Tobio had grown up admiring him for how hard he worked and just how  _ awesome  _ his serve was. Not only that, but aside from the volleyball skills Oikawa-san possessed, Kageyama had known him to be nice, charming, kind and considered the guy his senpai until  _ that  _ day. Tooru’s smile had two sides to it.    
  
**_You’ve probably never thought of me that way._ **

The first one Tobio had learnt from him was the  _ fake-it-till-we-make-it  _ smile. Fake as plastic flowers but pretty enough to distract. Personally, that was Tobio’s favorite smile. He didn’t need to have emotions to portray it, it was plain and simple and easy to do. 

**_You’ve probably never loved me to begin with- I don’t know._ **

Next was something he had seen later on, during a match, when he had accidentally walked into the washroom Oikawa and Iwaizui were using. Tooru had his hands rested on the ace’s waist, whispering something into Hajime’s ear, a smile that would be able to seduce just anyone and make their knees buckle in submission. A smile Tobio had never used before.

**_I don’t want to know._ **

_ Hinata Shouyou.  _ His best friend. Well,  _ former  _ best friend now. Staring at his smile was like staring at the sun. Though Tobio was uncertain when he would smile like that, it was some sort of an upgrade for the  _ fake-it-till-we-make-it  _ smile he had worn so many times. Cheerful, happy, and bright. Something Tobio desperately wanted to be.

**_I really don’t._ **

Kageyama possessed all these features, but they were not features that he saw every time he looked at the reflection of himself in the bathroom mirror. He saw someone entirely different.    
  
**_because I’m afraid of the answer. I’m afraid that maybe.. maybe I’m right._ **

The  _ Tobio  _ that he saw was often too fat. Disgusting. Ugly. Hideous, unattractive, unpleasant, displeasing, unsightly. 

**_That you- nor anyone else- could love someone like me._ **

The blue-eyed boy had grown up to think that he was never going to look beautiful enough to be loved. That he wasn’t the type of person someone would like. That everyone he held dear would soon leave him because at some point, _ and that day would come, _ they wouldn’t need him anymore. They wouldn’t need him so they’d leave him to the dust, abandon him, leave him behind and-  _ that?  _ That was his worst fear. 

**_You’ve left me behind once._ **

The fear of all the people in his life someday waking up and realizing-  _ hey, he’s useless, we don’t need him. _

**_Left me when I had needed you the most._ **

So Tobio had only known to adjust to the needs, the wants- to whatever people preferred to see when they saw him. He had grown to know that the only thing that kept people with him was the fact that he was becoming the image of himself- the  _ illusion-  _ that people had created of him in their sick minds, and that somehow,  _ weirdly  _ enough made him even lonelier. 

**_Maybe that's why I had been so easily lured by your sweet smiles and loving whispers._ **

Tobio was careful. He knew that if he participated in practice, he wouldn’t be able to cope with the passive aggressive trance his team was in (aside from the managers and Tadashi of course). The last time he had entered the gym, he wasn’t even glanced at. Much less greeted. Hinata, who was hanging by the entrance of the gym, walked away when Kageyama had opened his mouth to ask if he wanted a toss. 

**_Because I had desperately believed that you were sincere._ **

Yeah, Tobio was careful because he knew that if his entirety had registered the fact that the people he had once trusted as family didn’t want him anymore because of the  _ who’s  _ the universe had partnered him with- maybe he’d finally break altogether regardless of the fact that he was sharing a bond with his soulmates. Regardless of the fact that deep inside him, he knew that Tooru and Hajime really loved him and didn’t use him for a fucking game.

**_Sincere about wanting me back. Sincere about your love for me._ **

Apparently, he wasn’t careful  _ enough.  _

**_You could have just asked if you needed the information to beat us. That would have been less painful for me._ **

  
He really didn’t expect Kindaichi to be the one to finally break him down just after he had decided to stand up on his own. He doesn’t know if it was the texts Kindaichi sent him, he doesn’t know if it was the fact that his team-turned-family had turned their back on him, or if it was the voices-  _ the voices  _ that whispered in his ear every day, every minute, every  _ second  _ of his time- telling him, singing in voices of various people in his life;

**_But this?_ **

_ You aren’t needed. You aren’t enough. You aren’t loved. You can’t be loved. It’s impossible to love you.  _

**_I didn’t expect this._ **

Maybe it was the weather. It was snowing. Hailing. Rain turned ice that bruised his skin as he walked to Ushijima’s house, eyeing the most recent text from Kindaichi.

**_You know, I was loved once._ **

_ You really don’t think you aren’t being used King? Just think about it: you’re practically unlovable. You’re a dictator. That's not someone one would want to love, right?  _

_ The only thing they’re keeping you around for is the fact that you’re Karasuno’s starting setter. Why do you think they aren’t wanting to see you anymore? It’s because Karasuno had finally realized that they didn’t really need you after all. Am I right? Yes. _

**_I had a family once too._ ** **_  
  
_ **

Despite the fact that a tiny voice claimed that maybe the reason Tooru and Hajime hadn’t visited him like they had done last month- which was practically every two days- was because they were busy. And the weather wasn’t good. It was snowing pretty hard now.

**_My parents claimed they loved me._ **

Maybe it wasn’t Kindaichi that had finally brought the infamous  _ King  _ down from his throne. It was probably the vision of his father leaving him behind. It was the snow.  _ It was snowing on that day too.  _ It was the headlights of a car.  _ Too bright lights of the train that nearly blinded him, unable to see his father.  _ Maybe it was because his birthday was tomorrow. _.  _

**_I should have known that was a fucking lie._ **

Not that it mattered. 

**_I should have known you were lying too._ **

His mind hadn’t blanked in so long- only realizing he had arrived when Ushijima had answered the door. Only realized what he was doing when the edge of the blade caught his skin, drawing red on the pale white. Once he had realized what he was doing, where he was (the bathroom right beside the guest room), he didn’t stop. He didn’t  _ want  _ to. 

**_So I have a question for you._ **

See, this was what he was so careful for.

**_Like I said, I don’t want to know if you’ve loved me sincerely from the beginning._ **

All week he had needed some kind of outlet- some kind of  _ relieving  _ pain. He needed to  _ feel  _ because his entirety just felt so  _ numb.  _ He didn’t want to disappoint his brothers (or to worry them), but that was long gone when he realized how much of a disappointment he was all along. He couldn’t possibly be any more a nuisance to them.

**_I still don’t._ **

His mind was so clouded, his ears muffled by the sounds of voices telling him that he needed this, that it was the  _ only  _ thing that could help- he hadn’t realized Ushijima was yelling from the other side of the door. He didn’t hear Tendou calling his name either. 

**_But since I wouldn’t be around to hear it, answer this;_ **

He didn’t hear-  _ couldn’t hear,  _ but the last thing he saw before he had passed out, his arms littered with red, was the door thrown open and that's when darkness consumed him. 

It consumed him for a long time.

**_Hajime, Tooru… Is your love a lie too?_ **


	23. one am on a birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama, Tobio.
> 
> 7:26pm...
> 
> Age: 16
> 
> Date of birth: December 22…
> 
> Comatose…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the late update,, to make it up to u guys,, i decided to complete and post 3 chapters!! I hope you enjoy (aside from the “bawling-my-eyes-out-as-i-blow-my-nose-on-tissue-paper” parts. Yeah… i'm sorry:)
> 
> I appreciate and love all your comments!! It gets me through the day and makes me super happy and proud of myself:D

Ushijima’s eyes burn through the texts that he is scrolling through- though he had been reading and re-reading them the past 2 hours- the false, rude and awful phrases only feeding the furious fire that could be seen through the harsh gleam in his eyes. 

He’s impressed that the phone hadn’t crushed in his grip, considering that he was clenching it tightly in his hands, annoyance seeping through his calm and cool facade (though he supposed it was to be expected seeing that his back was aching from sitting on the stiff black hospital chair in the waiting area, his eyes absorbing the hateful texts from this  _ Kindaichi,  _ adding the fact that he had been waiting for news- preferably  _ good  _ news on his friend- no.  _ Brother).  _

Cool and cold fingers find his shaking hands, carefully unwrapping the harsh grip he had on the small device, plucking it out of his hands. 

“Wakatoshi,” a soft and collected voice, save for the slight tremble and the hitch on his throat when the middle blocker called his name, intertwining his hands with his. “Wakatoshi, I thought I told you to stop reading that” 

Ushijima raises his eyes and takes in Satori’s tired appearance. He must have looked the same. Red eyes, puffy from crying, faint tear tracks on his cheeks, hair messed up by his hands that had pulled and tugged on it in anger and frustration. They still hadn’t left the hospital despite the doctors saying to get some sleep because they would probably have the reports by late. They still stayed, sitting on the stiff chairs of the waiting area, and it was currently- last Wakatoshi checked- one in the morning. 

He had dozed off a couple of times, the phone he had been staring at (as if his heated glare would somehow erase and unsend the texts) almost falling out of his grasp. Tendou hadn’t slept though. He had been staring blankly, unwavering, at nothing in particular. He didn’t know what was running through his boyfriend’s mind as the red-head had been silent for hours to no end. 

He blinked drowsily, the bright white led lights that hung on the ceiling blinding him for a moment.    
“I jus’ wanted to take another look, Satori” He says, absentmindedly running a thumb over Tendou’s bruised knuckles, hoping his message of  _ ‘I’m fine, don’t worry about me’  _ got across. The blocker squeezed his hands tightly in reply. 

Ushijima was a captain, and that was a fact tons of people knew. A fact Satori was familiar with. Upon instinct, Ushijima tended to bury down his own feelings and emotions in favor of helping someone in need. It was the same now. That instinct had risen automatically when Ushijima had spotted a few stray tears escape Tendou’s eyes during the 3 minutes they waited (three minutes of absolute  _ torture)  _ for the ambulance to arrive. Ushijima had been the one to fill out the forms, the papers, the information as Tendou curled up into a ball on the chair and stared at the white marble floor, the image of Tobio-  _ deathly pale, lips sickeningly greyish blue, a puddle of red-  _ stuck in his head. Ushijima didn’t cry. Not yet, anyway. The ace had been busy being angry, burying the sad ache in his chest with fury. Tendou watched as his mark-mate’s eyes wandered, staring down at their connected hands, subconsciously running a thumb repeatedly over his knuckles, tracing the lines on his palm. Something the captain did when something weighed heavily on his mind.

_ “Wakatoshi”  _

Wakatoshi didn’t reply for a moment, a long pause stretching out between them.    
“ ‘m sorry,” he finally says, his eyes half lidded by the exhaustion as he blinks slowly in an attempt to wake himself up. “I won’t read them again”

What Wakatoshi basically tried to say was:  _ I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I’m sorry. I’ll try not to worry you. It’s hard. I want to see Tobio.  _

“Okay,” Tendou replies.  _ Of course I worry about you, idiot. I’m your boyfriend. If you need anything, tell me. I’m right here.  _ “I’ll hold you to that”

“Kageyama?” a female voice calls, and their heads whip around to see a petite nurse, blonde hair perfectly pulled up in a clean bun, a mask tucked under her chin as she goes over the shuffled stack of papers in her hands, repeating Tobio’s surname.

It takes them a second to register what had happened, but within seconds, they’re scrambling to get up- ignoring the crack of their stiff backs when they get up all too quickly- hurrying to meet the nurse and hear if Tobio was-

“-okay?” Ushijima was the one to ask, heart thundering in nervousness and worry for the blue-eyed setter. The nurse takes a step back in surprise because 2 freakishly tall kids had just appeared out of nowhere. She takes a moment to regain her posture, eyes re-reading the sheets of papers in her hands. 

_ Kageyama, Tobio. _

_ 7:26pm... _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Age: 16 _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Date of birth: December 22… _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Comatose…  _ _   
  
_

“Is he okay?” Ushijima asks again “Is Tobio okay?” he repeats.

When the two soul-mates see the sympathetic look on her face, their hearts momentarily stop. She must have seen their expressions because she hastily assures that that-

“He’s alright, he’s doing okay” she answers, but the two could hear the underwords. Kageyama wasn’t going to wake up any time soon. He was alive. He’s okay. He’s not awake, but he’s  _ alive _ .

Soft sighs of relief. Their hearts still fall at the mention of  _ comatose  _ as the nurse goes over the reports, the information that the two needed to hear _ ,  _ but they're still thankful that Kageyama has the chance to wake up-  _ if  _ he wakes up.

_ ‘Stop,’  _ Satori thinks, pushing the thought of Tobio never waking up to the back of his mind as he and Ushijma finally exit the hospital, though not before being told that they could most probably visit Kageyama later during the day (considering the time which was currently now 2am).

_ He’ll wake up. _

_ He has to. _

_ I haven’t even given him his gift. _

_ He still has to open his gift. _

Later, Kageyama’s phone buzzes on the coffee table as they silently eat their breakfast on the couch in their apartment, watching some k-drama Satori had already started to use as a distraction, and the screen lights up with a notification. 

He had already informed the school that Kageyama was in the hospital (relaying specific instructions to keep the information private), so there wasn’t really any reason for anyone to text at 6:30 in the morning.    
  
Thinking that it might be important, he picks it up, Ushijma leaning in slightly to see what was sent.  _   
_ _   
_ **Kindaichi**

_ Would you look at that, _

**Kindaichi**

_ They even forgot your birthday.  _ _   
_ _   
_ **Kindaichi**

_ Sad. _

  
Satori couldn’t describe the pure  _ fury  _ that coursed through his veins then. 


	24. 3 days ‘till Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ll fucking kill him” Yamaguchi bares his teeth, frown deeper than any of them had ever seen.   
> “I swear to god I’ll punch him so hard, he’ll get fucking dentures”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love UshiTen!! Don’t you?   
> -and can I just say, Yamaguchi is just so p r e c i o u s.

_ “what?”  _

It was snowing. Light white falling upon the shoulders of 5 figures that stood outside the gym of  _ Karasuno.  _

It was cold, the students wrapping themselves with another layer- a coat, or another shirt, or an extra scarf. Yamaguchi didn’t mind the cold. He was usually freezing, arms tucked deep in his coat’s pockets, nose hiding behind his green scarf. 

But right now, his chin was raised to meet the two freakishly tall  _ Shiratorizawa  _ players in the eye.

  
_ “What?”  _ he hisses again, feeling a hand on his shoulder, most likely Shimizu-san, in an attempt to calm him down, but he is quick to shrug off the hold. He laughs, slight anger and annoyance seeping out in his tone. Never would Tendou have thought that the day would arrive when Yamaguchi-kun wouldn’t hide slightly behind his team’s manager’s back when he addressed them.

“Is it  _ April Fool’s Day?  _ From what I recall, it’s currently 3 days from Christmas- in the middle of  _ December”  _ He’s frowning, arms crossed, a sour gaze on both Wakatoshi and Satori.

He sniffs, his cheeks flushed red, but he doesn’t pay his momentary cold any mind as he scowls.    
“This isn’t a funny joke, Ushijima-san, it’s Kageyama’s birthday today, don’t joke like that”   
  


Though a part of him knew that neither Ushijima nor Tendou-senpai were the type of people to joke around like this. Especially about this. 

Yachi tugs on the freckled pinch-server’s  _ Karasuno  _ jacket, and he turns to meet her teary gaze. His eyes widen once he spots the tell tale tears pricking at the edge of her bright blue eyes.

“Yamaguchi..” she starts, a sob caught in her throat as she tries to form a proper sentence. 

Ever since Ushijima and Tendou-san had arrived at the school, knocking silently on the gym doors, head sticking out to ask for them, Yachi had been practically glowing in excitement. Though it had earned odd looks when Ushijima’s head poked out from behind the metal doors, asking for the three last people they would have expected the top ace to interact with. Even more so when Yachi  _ brightened  _ up and practically ran out of the gym to greet them.   
  


She had assumed that they were here to surprise Kageyama on his birthday. Though it was a bit odd that the setter himself wasn’t at school. She quickly learns that she had thought  _ wrong,  _ because the two tall players didn’t seem to be joking.

“..I don’t think they’re joking,” she says, her voice reduced to a whisper as she tries to hold back from collapsing in tears. 

She turns to face the red-head blocker and his soul-mate, a few stray tears escaping.    
“Was it because of us?,” she asks, bottom lip trembling as the tears that run down her face steadily increase. 

The  _ Shiratorizawa  _ players are confused. 

_ Us?  _

What did she mean  _ us?  _

Of course it wasn’t them. Why would she think that?

But Yachi wasn’t done. Before they could open their mouths to ask, Yachi starts to speak in a disarray of hyperventilating, sobbing, guilt, and loads and loads of sentences, all spilling out in one breath.

  
“I should have said something,” she sobs into her cupped hands, sniffing, crying, the snowflakes landing softly on her hair. “I knew what they were doing was  _ horrible-  _ I should have said something, I should have  _ said something- i’msorryi’msorryi’msosorry-”  _

Shimizu doesn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around Yachi’s small figure, and the blonde doesn’t hesitate to bury her face into her soul-mate’s shoulder, body racking with sobs. 

Yamaguchi’s eyes are widened in momentary shock, before guilt is quick to evade. His mouth is parted in a small “o” before he brings his hands to cover his mouth as he takes a step back, his mind scrambling for  _ answers.  _

_ Was it true? Was it because of them? They could have prevented this and they didn’t? _

“It’s our fault,” he says as the realization finally dawns. “oh my god”   
  
“What do you mean?,” Ushijima voices, “It wasn’t your fault”

He looks to Shimizu, the one most composed out of all of them (though she stared silently at the snow covered gravel of the ground) for answers. He was confused. Why did they think it was their fault?

“Wakatoshi’s right,” Satori says gently, “It isn’t your fault”

-and it dawns on Yamaguchi that they don’t know what has been happening at  _ Karasuno _ . That they were probably thinking about something different altogether. “You don’t understand,” Tadashi says shakily. “Ever since Kindaichi from Seijoh spilled that Kageyama was soul-mates with his captains, the team began to ignore him, Hinata going as far as denying his toss- and Hinata  _ always  _ asked Kageyama for a toss.. I-” 

He breaks off, a small sob escaping. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, turning away to compose himself.    
  


What?

_ Oh. _

_ Ah. _

**_Kindaichi._ **

Slightly shocked, Satori speaks.    
“I should have known,” he says softly, and the three from Karasuno immediately tense, preparing for whatever the blocker would say. 

He was slightly surprised Kindaichi had done something else too, but not as shocked as he was when he had registered what Tadashi had said.  _ Hinata Shouyou.  _ Hinata was one of Kageyama’s- what Tobio liked to call-  _ “Trusted-friends”.  _ It was rare altogether for Tobio to trust someone, but he had announced that he trusted  _ Karasuno  _ like family. 

_ “They’re family,” Kageyama smiles slightly, before raising the cup of his latte to his lips for a sip.  _ _   
_ _ “They’re idiots, they’re dumb, and they’re crazy,” he says, “But they’re family, and I trust them a lot” _

_ “Idiots?,” Satori echoes teasingly, “Dumb? Crazy? Sounds a bit like someone I know” he smirks, and watches as Kageyama’s eyes flash with shallow annoyance and a hint of amusement.  _ _   
  
_

_ “I advise you to shut up now, Satori-nii” _

_ “Noted” _ _   
  
_

“I should have known this  _ Kindaichi  _ would stir more trouble,” Satori sighs, and the crows blink. 

“More?,” Shimizu inquires, “What do you mean more?, did he do anything else?”

  
Ushijima hesitates to fish out Kageyama’s familiar blue covered phone, but he turns it on nonetheless, watching as delicate white flakes of snow land on the glass before dissolving into tiny dots of water. He opens it to the texts between the setter and Kindaichi, holding it out in their direction-

  
“None of these are  _ true- None!”  _ Tadashi exclaims, so close to hurling the phone into the brick wall and watching it shatter to pieces. “This guy, he-” and Yamaguchi falls into a rant of curses, kicks into the snow, rambling on and on about  _ why? Tobio knows they love him.. Why? None of these are true! What does this guy have against Kageyama?! _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I’ll fucking kill him”  _ Yamaguchi bares his teeth, frown deeper than any of them had ever seen.    
“I swear to god I’ll punch him so hard, he’ll get fucking  __ dentures” 


	25. falling on deaf ears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry it’s super short!! I’m working on another project that I’ll hopefully post around this time.

Tadashi followed suit with the threat. 

But not before wishing Kageyama a happy birthday first. 

He didn’t return for his bag, he didn’t think he could see the rest of his team right now. He knew that he was to blame too. He didn’t speak up. Didn’t say anything. He knew Tobio was hurting, what from the glazed blue eyes brimmed with tears as Hinata pushed past him and towards Suga-san instead, and he knew Tobio was trying not to let it show, he had heard Tobio sobbing quietly in the washrooms once- it made him both angry and sad, that Tobio was hurting so much and mostly angry at himself for not being able to do anything about it. 

“Stop,” Satori chides gently, nudging him with an elbow as they exit the elevator, heading for Tobio’s room. “You’re doing it again, it’s all over your face”

“Doing what?” Yamaguchi mumbles, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m not doing anything”

“Oh, but you are,” The blocker hums, his pace slowing as he matches Yamaguchi’s slow strides, the others well ahead of them with bundles of blue and white flowers, gifts and volleyballs wrapped in red paper courtesy of Ushijima. 

“You’re blaming yourself,” Satori says, “Don’t do that, you know it isn’t your fault”

“It is,” The freckled boy blurts out, “I should have said something, I could have- I  _ should  _ have done something about it, and now it’s too late”

-because what if Kageyama never woke up? The thought itself brought a sick feeling on the bottom of his stomach. 

His thought must have shown on his face because Satori frowns.    
_ “Kageyama. Is. Waking. Up,” _ he says, “you hear me?” 

Yamaguchi nods. “Yeah”

“He’s waking up,” Tendou pushes him to walk a little faster, “He’s going to wake up to his favorite flowers; delphiniums and snowdrops, and he’ll wake up to our gifts which he will absolutely  _ love! _ ”

Delphiniums:  The perfect flowers to give someone who may be feeling down. Kageyama loved the color blue too. 

Snowdrops: Hope. 

Tadashi found the bundles and bundles of flowers that they had bought quite nice as they decorated the interior of the room, the boxes of gifts sitting on the nearby desk. 

“H-he’s waking up, right?,” Yachi asks Tadashi once they’re the only ones there, along with Shimizu, because the two players from  _ Shiratorizawa  _ opted to get them some food. “He’s going to be fine, right Yamaguchi?”

Tadashi meets Shimizu’s eyes, before turning back to Hitoka. 

“Of course he’s waking up,” he says, trying to hide how weak his voice came out with a grin. “He still has to open his gifts, doesn’t he?”

  
  



	26. ok so-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whoops another a/n

-and homework strikes _again._

I am _seriously_ out of ideas (or maybe thats just my writer’s block),, so any ideas on how Oikawa and Iwaizumi find out about everything? (aka everything Tobio’s been hiding from them).

write it in the comments if u have any ideasssssssss


	27. dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there isn't really anything for Tobio to do but to walk through the blackness and nothingness of his mind as he listened to the muffled hum of unidentifiable voices seep through his state of mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how long has it been? four months?  
> i'm so sorry! you've all been the best readers!! i didn't mean to make you wait that long! i was sick but i'm recovering! reading your comments gave me so much ideas so i couldn't help but update! 
> 
> <3<3 thank u for waiting! i hope u like this chapt. 
> 
> (also for the person who asked for no more angst.. sumimasen, i can't let the story end yet!)

_"his heartbeat... is steady"  
  
_

_"thank god. He's still so young"  
  
_

_"...has he got any relatives coming over yet?"  
  
_

Tobio listens to the dull conversation in the depths of his consciousness. He doesn't know how long he'd been listening- the repetitive and monotonous _beeping_ already starting to mildly annoy him- or how he felt about the conversation.   
  


There isn't really anything for Tobio to do but to walk through the blackness and nothingness of his mind as he listened to the muffled hum of unidentifiable voices seep through his state of mind. His eyes are open, but aren't really. He didn't know whether he was dreaming or not, but all he knew was that he wasn't conscious, but his eyes were _open.  
  
_

More often than not, he found himself standing in the train station, staring blankly at the train tracks as he listened to the distant conversations happening above him. Sometimes, he found himself floating through only darkness.   
  


Pitch black and dark. There wasn't any light to seep through those walls of blank space. He wasn't conscious yet. That was all he knew. He could hear the nurses sighing in pity as they stood beside his bed, scribbling something onto paper, he could hear the doctors wonder aloud about _why.  
  
_

He wondered that too. Found himself wondering _why_ more often than not. Because there just wasn't anything else to do. He couldn't _feel_ anything. All he could do was hear distant voices that sounded like they spoke through a layer of water. All he could do was think.   
  


So he let his thoughts wander.   
  


Were they happy? Was Oikawa finally rid of the doubt that he knew lingered _somewhere_ in the back of his mind that Tobio, somehow, might end up taking everything away from him?; volleyball, his position, _Iwaizumi._ A part of Kageyama wondered whether Iwaizumi would be happy too. Happy that Tooru would finally be happy as well.   
  


A part of him, albeit small, liked to make him hope. Hope that maybe Tooru really loved him, that he wanted him and cared for him. That even if he eventually took his spot or if he dug himself a place in both their hearts, Tooru would still smile at him and _want_ him. That even if Tooru wasn't happy with him, Hajime would find some _want_ for Tobio and the thought made Kageyama want to sob.   
  


There were always days where he'd ask if he really _was_ okay. If staring blankly at his wall for hours on the day he didn't feel like getting up- suppressing, _hiding,_ pushing down his need to breathe because he'd find himself reaching his hand for that small flicker of light on the surface only for it to disappear as he sunk down lower and _lower and lower-_ was healthy.   
  


Something inside of him _wanted_ his soul-mates to know. Somehow, in any way. He just wanted them to know how much he was hurting- had been ever since his father and ever since they decided that _maybe Kageyama isn't someone we'd like to love-_ and to assure him that he was okay. That they'd go through it all together.   
  


Was it something he'd always wanted? Ever since he left in the snow- in the train station- so alone and _frightened_ at the prospect of having to deal with _everything alone ~~but maybe I'll be okay because I still have my soul-mates.  
  
~~_

There wasn't really anyone there to _want_ him enough to keep him grounded. To keep him _there._ He was there. Breathing, eating, walking. But he never wanted to _be_ there. He loved his friends, he loved his soul-mates.   
  


But there were times he just couldn't stand that silence whenever he was alone. Times he couldn't _stand_ it when he stared at the kitchen knives just a little while too long, or stared at the top of a building and thought about how _nice_ it would feel if he just _let go-  
  
_

_"..he's ok, right?"  
  
_

the familiarity of the voice caused Tobio's train of thought to vanish. _Yachi?_ He recognized the timid but brave tone. Something he found he admired about the blonde manager. Though her voice seemed fragile and wobbly.   
  


_"He'll be ok"_ another voice responds. _Tendou.  
  
_

It seemed they were the only ones there today. Tobio didn't know whether he was thankful or not. He couldn't stand hearing Yamaguchi blame himself and not being able to do anything about it hurt. _It isn't your fault_ Tobio wanted to yell at him. _It's not any of your faults!  
  
_

 _"Hey, Kageyama-kun,"_ Yachi sounded closer now, and Kageyama found himself desperately wanting to wake the _fuck up_ and hug her. She was a nice friend. He found he didn't like his friends crying. Or hurt. _"I bought you some milk.. I didn't know which one you liked, so I ended up buying you one of everything from the vending machine. Maybe you like yogurt better.. I don't know.."  
  
_

There's a lingering silence in the room.  
  


 _"We're all going to wait for you, just know that Kageyama-kun,"_ Yachi says with strong determination. _"Fighting!"  
  
_

Tobio could envision Yachi pumping her fists in the way korean actors would in the k-dramas the five of them would watch on the sundays they'd take out Mcdonalds and pelt french fries at the television every time the male character did something stupid. He wanted to cry. He wanted to laugh.   
  


_"Hey, Tobi,"_ Tobio hears Tendou, and he imagines him shifting awkwardly at the foot of his bed, because the guy was never really one for serious conversations. _"Wake up, ok? Take your time, if you want. We'll all be waiting"  
  
_

Tobio couldn't hear the rest of the conversation. Couldn't place the phrases with words or the sentences with the voices.  
  


He didn't hear until the door click shut and he was left alone. 

"Why didn't Ushijima-san come today?" Yachi's shoes scrape against the pavement, hands flat on one of the benches that stood in a row outside the hospital. "Is he caught up in schoolwork?"  
  


Tendou shakes his head, " _nah_.. Well, technically, yeah. If you count volleyball as _'schoolwork',_ then yeah," he says, "He wanted to come, but he had to stay in my place. What about the others?"  
  


"Kiyoko-san is with Yamaguchi and the team," Yachi stares at the peach laces of her shoes, "They're staying behind for team bonding. They didn't really want to though"  
  


"I.. understand," Tendou says carefully, knowing how Yachi detested any conversation that included the Karasuno team. Honestly, he'd be doing the same if he were in her place. Maybe even throw a few punches, but he knew Yachi wouldn't hurt a fly.. even if those _'flies'_ outright refused to acknowledge a team member just because of who their soul-mates are and accusing that person of bias and cheating.   
  


Just because Tobio-kun was the soul-mate of Seijoh's captains, doesn't mean he'd push down his efforts just so his boyfriends could win. Kageyama was someone that liked to give his all.  
  


"Are we ever going to tell them?" Yachi blurts out, glancing to see that Tendou was looking at her inquiringly. "About Kageyama-san I mean.. and, is _he_ ever going to tell them?"  
  


The red-headed blocker puffed out a sigh, leaning back further into the bench.   
  


"Maybe? I don't know," he sighs again, "Tobio is someone that would hide something like this.. Just so he _"wouldn't be a burden to others"._ I wanted to help him, y'know? But I always thought that.. _maybe this wasn't that time,_ or _maybe if I pushed too hard I'd hurt him,_ something like that. I'm regretting that now, though"

  
"I feel like punching someone today," Tendou continues, "Maybe his soul-mates? Maybe that _Kindaichi-sunovabitch?_ Maybe myself? For not realizing that I should have helped Tobio _sooner?"  
  
_

"I was so scared," Yachi says quietly when the air seems to silent. "I didn't know how to react when you told us about.. Kageyama-san.. but he'll be fine, right?"  
  


"Yeah," Tendou nods. "Yeah he's fine. He's going to be fine"

"What do you think he's thinking of right now?" Yamaguchi asks Shimizu quietly when they're sitting on both sides of the score board, eyes trained onto the court where teams of three played but mind elsewhere. "His soul-mates? Us? _Milk?"  
  
_

Shimizu chuckled as she flips the score of the _Tsukishima-Daichi-Nishinoya_ team.   
  


"Probably milk," she says, "Didn't Yachi buy him milk from the vending machine today before she went to visit him?"  
  


"Yep, she even asked me for some money to buy every single one because she didn't know which brand Kageyama liked," Yamaguchi smiles. His smile drops as a cheer sounds from the _Hinata-Sugawara-Asahi_ team as they score another point. Yamaguchi flips the tally.   
  


"Did you see the messages, Kiyoko-san?" Yamaguchi asks quietly, "Did Tendou-san show them to you?"  
  


"...yeah.. They were all _bullshit_ of course" Shimizu says, and though Yamaguchi hadn't read it, he knew how harsh _Kindaichi_ must have been for her to be cursing already.  
  


The manager heaves a long sigh, "I just wish that we were able to help him.. He's gone through so much already, he didn't need any of that on his shoulders too"

  
"I could have done something," Tadashi bristles, "I should have.. I don't know, _punched a few people?_ I'm definitely punching that Kindaichi-guy though when I see him"

  
Shimizu smiles. "Tomorrow, right? You still remember we have that practice match?" 

  
"Wouldn't forget it, Kiyoko-san," Yamaguchi grins sadly, "I just don't know if I can look Oikawa-san in the eye and play properly.. especially since-"

  
"Hey, Yamaguchi-kun!" Hinata hollers from the other side of the gym. "We scored a point!"

  
"A-ah, _gomen!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..was this too short? idk :'D  
> hope you liked it though! 
> 
> i loved all your ideas and they definitely gave me lots of story plots but I went with this one.. I won't let Tadashi punch Kindaichi too suddenly though!! It's a bit too soon for my taste sowwy.. 
> 
> \---I also wanted to give Tobio a pov because I thought it would be fun (saddd) to write. Also-- Yachi and Tendou friendship!!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> If you've got any recommendations or comments, don't hesitate to write them!


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